Sickies

I think I have caught on the sickies.

from Jaden.

Its been quite some time since I last fell sick or feel sick.

I hate being sick like that. I feel weak and I hate feeling weak this way.

It always starts off with a bad throat that I just feel like ripping out of me.

Strepsils do help, soothing it but I guess I have to do without it tonight.

First thing in the morning, tomorrow, to 7-11 I go to get a few packets to put at home. Strepsils always help!

Of course, how to cure a sore throat without drinking water right? I think I might have just down gallons of water down my throat.

I would be surprised if my pee colour ain't clear after all those H20 I drank.

Well, I rather its me being sick like that than Jaden anytime. At least I can tell the whole wide world where it hurts, can't speak the same for Jaden thats why I am glad I am the one who fell sick instead.

Jaden's fever has subsided by this morning but I am not taking any chances. With the suspecting flu bug going around the SimonYap clan house, he, too I am making drink gallons of water just to keep the flu bugs away.

sick. sick. sick. uurrgghhh!

April Fever

Jaden was having the runny nose and cough previous night. I didn't think much of it but was sure that he might have just caught the flu bug.

However, during his ABA therapy class, his therapist told me that his body seems a little warm and boy, that was like a warning sign to me.

I then, knew he has caught on fever and tried making him drink as much water as he can, and putting on long sleeves and pants for him the whole day.

He had it full fledge going at about 38.1 at night where I had him a quick warm bath, dried him, dressed in his long peejays and put him to bed. Poor thing did not even have much of an appetite. He only had two meals yesterday.

I did not really sleep as I was busy monitoring him every now and then to see if his temperature went up or down. When he fell asleep, I quickly put the koolfever aid on his forehead, hoping it will help a bit. The koolfever aid was gone in the morning! VANISHED! I really wonder if he ate it up! Just kidding!

The boy was also sleeping on and off the whole night through. He woke up at about 7am and was staring at the turing fan, that I quickly shut it off and on the aircon at 26 celcius instead. I didn't want him to space out like that. It would mean bad news to me if he starts staring at things going round again.

His fever subsided by the time he woke up. He slept till about 130pm today. Hope all the sleep helps. His appetite however, is about back to normal, still needs to chase after him to get him to sit down and eat his food. This time round, I gave him half his usual servings because I am scared he might just puke the food out. Not wanting to push my luck, anyway hes eating bit by bit. Better than none anyway.

The cough and phlegm is still there, hand in hand with the runny nose but the fever has gone down. Hopefully it will all go away soon. Now, I am letting him sweat it all out while trying to avoid the drugs at all cost unless it becomes bad. I have the suppository at hand, just in case of emergency but I doubt I have to use it if I just keep making him drink lots of water.

It is really a mother's nightmare to see her son sick like that. Luckily he was not cranky throughout the night ... *phew* touch wood! I hope I didn speak too soon.

As for the boy, I think hes glad he got to skip his remaining class for this week. If only he knows, next week onwards, the hours are increasing for him. oopsie! =)

Its a beautiful night, and we are looking for something dumb to do ...

*song playing in the background -Bruno Mars Marry You*

This song is so cheerful, so carefree -it sure takes me back to the carefree days of when we were young and free.

Makes me want to get up and dance and forget the troubles of the day.

There are lots going through this puny mind of mine.

Just another process of growing up, a chapter I must have skipped while studying life lessons.

Its so hard not to think about it when there is nothing much you can do about it. It was over before it even began and the what ifs all sank in.

Why do humans like to ask questions that does not have definite questions?

What purpose do they serve?

I used to asked why? what went wrong and when? It hit me like a train coming at ya' full steam ahead.

I wonder if my young nieces and nephews ask the same questions like I do.

Looking at their pictures on FB puts a smile on my face, reminding me of my old self back in those days. So happily in love, yet there are complications which we think no one else would understand, especially our parents when we are feeling at our lowest but boy, they are wrong!

Now I truly believe that the elders know best because they would probably have been through what we are going through. Its only up to them if they choose to interfere, advise or just stand aside and watch how we steer through life on our own.

Do you remember your first crush? first love? your first kiss? your first time? your first argument? (i bet that is really hard to remember)

My memory is starting to fail me about my previous relationships. Maybe its because I do not want to remember them. Happy times, sad times -they are all in my past, a past that I want to bury.

I think the firsts time you share with your loved ones are usually the best memorable ones. They never fail to bring a smile to my face because then, it was truly the best moment without the battlescars of an argument, misunderstanding and many more unwarranted stuff.

Arguments can either kill or make the relationship stronger. Usually it kills. Once it starts, it keeps coming. It never ends and one day, both will feel so tired, they usually let go and drift apart, no? Apologies could help but to a certain extend if there are still no positive changes.

If I knew love was going to come at me no matter what age I am in, I would have waited for a little while longer when I was younger. Putting your career future in front of you is always more important than finding the other guy, because if you were meant to be matched up to the other person, it will come. Just a matter of time...

There is no room for me now, to look back at the past and ponder. There is only one way for me to look at and its the future. So, will I be able to make the right decisions and not regret like I do now, 10 years down the road? Should I fight for what I have always wanted to do and be a mother at the same time? I think I want to and I shall do it. I know I have to in order to feel at least a tiny sense of accomplishment in life of whatever thats left in me.

Wish me luck and when I do begin, you shall be the first to know. =)

Christina Aguilera - Beautiful

Distractions

For the past one week, I was farely distracted.

Distracted with things that made me slacked off in departments which I should not have slacked.

It did not help that I could not find the right people to talk to, and well, the husband was really busy.

Not to say we have much to talk in common anyway now, other than Jaden but ... that is another matter.

I thought I was strong enough to handle my distraction but turns out quite the opposite.

There were quite a lot of evil calling out during that one week. Retail therapy called out to me and well, as you guys have read in my previous post, I ended up going shopping for myself for once.

At the end of the day, after everybody goes to sleep, it dawned on me that I might just be going through depression.

Its hard to put on a smile when you are actually not feeling it. Its hard to act nice when all your thoughts are not.

Someone once commented that I am a very young mother for my age at this time and era. In other words, I read it as you have been too playful in life earlier on.

and went on to say, women my age are now busy fighting climbing up corporate ladders. In other words, I read it as you lazy bum good for nothing settling for an easy life staying home become a tai-tai.

I, too, once had the dream of wanting to make it big, to earn my own money, to be able to save enough to get my own house and car. Well, like I said, it is a dream.. everybody has to go to wake up and smell the coffee in the morning and my coffee reeks of a smiling (sometimes crying) toddler age 4.

The word is useless. It hit me that I am such a useless person.

I have no skills, no talent. I even suck in the kitchen department. If Jaden could say the word NO! I bet he would have said it to every meal I serve him. I can't even bake without burning or underbake something.

When I see my friends in their corporate wear, talking about work, their experiences.. a pang of envy hits me. I was once part of that world. ONCE... I wished I could have something in common to talk to them about, but in reality, all I could do is now only talk about child behavioral problems, prices of the diapers and stuff out in the supermarket. I have joined the 'aunties in the market' group. That is definitely not what I have expected to be when I was graduating. I mean, I know one day I will join that group but not so early as in my 20s?

I am nearing 30 soon and yet to accomplish anything that I could be proud of in my life.

That someone's comment really hit me hard, so hard that it turned my day upside down.

Maybe I am just being all drama-rama but they say, the truth always hurt and it bitch hurt me reallllll bad.

Right down to the core of my bones.

Distraction.

The loneliness from being spaced out from my friends.

Distraction was then comforting but when distraction decided to leave, here I am back at square one.

Frankly speaking, I should not let distraction enter my life and have it topsy-turvy turned.

I was weak, and here I am ... feeling down, at the lowest point of my life when there are much more bigger world issues that people out there are battling and here I am, being all dramatic and wallowing in self-pity! Now this is reallly reallly reallllly a useless brainless irresponsible act of mine. I admit.

anyway, since this is my blog, just let me rant on so I can move on...

and well,

I could not even find time to go and wallow in my indulgence of waffles and ice-cream because there is always something for me to do (when there are actually none), Jaden to mind for for he can't eat outside and these cravings of mine will make me guilt-ridden that I actually enjoyed it without him.

I feel so low, lacking in self-esteem back again.

My dark circles don't help me much. I think its in the genes and I can't do shit about it. My skin around the eyes are showing signs of aging when it should not be yet. Everybody with pretty coloured fingernails and toenails, and I, chipped here and there. Everybody with nicely managable hair ..

actually the husband does give me most of whatever I ask for. I ask for a hair makeover, he gives. I ask for some shopping money, he gives. I ask for bags, he works the extra hours and gives me the bag. Its just me. I am just angry, not satisfied with myself.

I go to concerts. People say its a waste of money. I take it as a way for me to be free for an hour or two.

I go Singapore to meet up with my girlfriends. I appreciate that time alone, driving myself to the airport, the wait.. the quiet time I am able to give myself to gather my sanity back.

I feel I might still be a child inside, unwilling to grow up. I long for Disneyland. I long for theme park rides. I long for extreme sports -bungee jumping and all sorts adrenaline rush games.

No more. I am a mother. I have a responsibility to stay safe, be safe and healthy enough to care for my child who desperately needs all the care he can get.

The one thing that really gets me up in the morning is to see the smile on his face. Those tiny fingers grabbing my face, showering me with kisses, a love so pure. How can I not be strong for him?

So today, I have decided not to take that someone's comment to heart anymore.

Because I believe God gave me a child fora reason. Maybe I was meant to be playing the mother role.

Well, others might see these reason as something for me to pacify myself but nevertheless, it works.. for my child is my top priority compared to anything that people say to me.

all these rants? ....

its just PMS talking!

*sigh* very much needed to get it out of my system. who knows, i might relaspe again but not anytime soon for I am actually motivated from that someone's comment to prove myself better. As a person. As a mother. As a wife. As a daughter.

Girly time by myself

I just re-discovered that shopping by myself, (ok, Jaden was with me but seating quietly, behaving [thankfully!!!!] in his stroller), life strolls by with no rushes or hurries... its just so blissful. Of course, it has to be completed with the cash Hubby gives la. No money go shopping where got nice right? LOL

It must have been really quite some time for me now, since I last got to go to a shopping mall, go into all the shops that I wanted to go, browse through those beautiful dresses, tops, bottoms.. and bags and shoes.. but today, I ended up at La Senza.

I just could not resist the big big sign -SALE, not to mention, those beautiful bras of all colours and designs. I just have to go in and boy, lets just say damage done by walking into just one shop = RM200.

BUT oh wells, considering that I do not really go lingerie shopping every now and then.. I only do it when I think I have quite worn out the ones I have.. come to think of it, a girl can also never have too many lingeries. They just make you feel so sensual! HAAHAHAH self-assuring stance!

Of course, with the breast lump removal, I do really need some good bra support. So I do actually have a valid reason! and SALE! how can one not buy when there are sales going on. Its the most worth it time to go and scoop everything up from the shop, I would, if the Hubby lets but I am damn sure he is going to assume I do not exist. LOL

Walked around a bit, Jaden was busy looking at other children and laughing at them running here and there. Now, that hes a bit more aware of peers his age playing, it seems to amuse him.

Feeling a little guilty I splurge on myself so much, I brought Jaden over to his children's clothes section. Unfortunately, there weren't any nice clothes or either they were too expensive, not worth the cloth so I left. Next time.. next time.. anyway, when we go out, its usually us coming back with more of his stuff than ours so well, this time let it be me for once. Just this once for a while..

I did not see any shoes that suits my taste so well, Hubby manage to save some money in that category. As for bag, I saw one clutch that is quite ons but well, that I put on hold as I am trying to consider if I really need it or want it.. see? at least I can still reason my needs and want and not go on an impulsive shopping spree. *pat myself on the shoulder!*

Well, so there it is, my Saturday today. Finally a Saturday, which I can actually claim it as a weekend.

Look What I found Joy!

One Chinese New Year in Penang, when the girls came down and play...

and while hanging out at the beach, we had some eye-candy

those were the days ... (2006)

*pics taken off shavain's side*

Missing for some time now eh?

Lots of things have been happening around me but I just could not bring myself to blog about everything. Somehow the laziness caught up with me or maybe because certain things are just not meant to be shared over here and then, that kills my purpose of blogging.

Its a month half since Jaden started his therapy classes and things are looking positive. This month though, one of his regular therapists went for a 10 days break which means Jaden missing class. Luckily, the program supervisor managed to get another therapist in to fill at least two days, and we got ourselves a third therapist who will come in on Monday and Thursday afternoons so Jaden would no longer have a three-day weekend but working his mind 5 days a week.

I have been sourcing for therapy toys here and there, as required by the program, hopefully which will help Jaden progress even more in his journey towards recovery.

Finding myself slacking off in his bio-med department, I thought I would make a chart list of his supplements so that I can keep count on which one is finishing , noting +/- reactions from him as his stimming is back. Its a little disturbing as the stimming went away and now that its back, I must have done something wrong in the biomed department.

I am starting to up his cod liver oil intake to twice a day now as his eye contacts are now starting to regress a little. *sigh* I am starting to get paranoid again now.. will we ever see the light at the end of the tunnel? hmm..

We havent reached the one year mark in this pad of ours and Jaden has already destroyed quite a few things. *shakes head* It looks as if we have been here for a decade or more now, with Jaden's new interior designs! We so need his kai-yeh and newlywed wife to come over and correct these 'art' done by the little one!

One thing that really showed Hubby and I that Jaden has grown a little more aware now. It was really cute to see him go after Cheeko and Cheekie and attempt to pet them, yet hes afraid whenever they hop away from him. Cheeko, the male rabbit of course, would be hopping away and trying to avoid Jaden while Cheekie, the female one is just too patient with Jaden and will lie flat and let him pat her.. only that Jaden tends to be a little strong handed, not knowing how to control his own strength and Hubby is so scared that he might press her bones too hard! But it sure was nice to see him trying to interact with them after soooooo long of ignoring their presence. He, too, likes to look at fishes and dogs now.. maybe because of the wagging tail.

So what else is happening around in my life? hmm..

I went to Singapore in the first week of April and got to meet up with my lovely girlfriends from Penang. We had a few drinks catching up together and boy, it was fun for me. It was quite a breather for me to take a short break away from Jaden after a while. Eisen was kind enough to come to the airport to company me down to town to meet up with the girls. So who is Eisen? Another Penangite whom I have known since school days. Its like a mini Penangite gathering with a few other friends from my girlfriends' side. I missed those two girls already as soon as my plane left back for KL but I, also cant wait to see my boy back at home.

Hubby will be off on a boy's trip cum business trip to Taiwan real soon. I am happy for him that he finally decide to take a break for himself after working so hard for the last few years, earning money to ensure that the SimonYap clan lead a decent life. So I am very thankful for all that hes done for the family and the trip abroad is well deserved. Actually it would mean a week of peace for me too lah.. LOL

SO this is about how my life is going at the moment.. I am hoping once I get Jaden's doc appointment confirmed and off I go to see my girls again in Sg and of course, how can I not anticipate the arrival of my bestfriend coming back from Australia... for crabbing sessions! Mmmm...