Disconnected ...

I had my hair cut short, not long after I found out I was pregnant and I could not stand the sweltering heat. 

I could not stand the mess my hair was in, and that I was not able to have any hair treatments done until baby weans off me. That is my goal, anyway, so the best option I came out with was to have my long tresses chopped off to the most minimal maintenance needed. 

Little did I know that, that might just be one of my ways of dealing with pre-natal stress, or some may call it pre-natal depression. I felt that I may have suffered a little of it during the first trimester as I felt so weak, that I was unable to be in control of my own body and its doing. 

Then, now come second trimester when I am supposed to be feeling much better. Of course, I do feel so much better than the first but there are still hiccups at times.

Did you know that first trimester just disappeared in a blink of an eye, a snap of a finger. The day before I was puking and feeling at my worst and having to want to eat every 2 hours, feeling bleerrgghh and then the next day, I wake up, everything that i felt the day before was gone. Just like that, that it made me ran all the way to my gynae and have him checked me out to make sure baby was still there with me. 

Now, all I want to do is to lie down and sleep and sleep and sleep. I can just fall asleep anytime and it is just so frustrating when I turn down invitations to hang out with my friends.

The very thought of having to dress up, make myself presentable is already so tiring, and to have to arrange babysitting duties, or having to bring Jaden out with me.. hey, I rather have it easy and stay at home and lounge around. Its just too much work right now for me, where my clothes don't really fit and its just sad that I can't wear my pretty clothes. So why bother making myself depress, trying to dig out what fits when I can just be really happy in my home shirts and pants and messy hair at that?

The only time I feel really perky and on the go is between 930am-1230pm. 

After that, its shut off time. Its the time that I come home together with Jaden from his school, and have our lunch and much needed nap.. and well, preparing him either for his dinner or evening therapy classes. Yes, he still have 3 hour classes in the evening.. so its not all play for me too. 

By the time I am done whipping up dinner for him and cleaning up after that, my battery runs low again and all I want to do is just go to bed and call it a day. 

Disconnected from the world right now is where I want to be.. yea, I enjoy occasional chats with my friends but the hassle of having to leave my comfort zone right now and having to feel bad about my changing body size and weight right now, its not my thing!

So, I hope my friend do understand when I reject their invitation to hang out or have a drink.. I rather not go than to be all snappy all night long. :)

For now, I just want to be disconnected. 

Thank you very much for your understanding.