Right decisions?

So after 3 years of not seeing Jaden's opthamotologist, we went back again recently to check on his eye again. 

This time, the doctor said that he needs to have surgery on both his eyes and that freaked me out so bad.

Really? Is it a must?

He had this a sudden overnight turned in and I swear that it wasn't something he was born with. 

One can check back on all his photographs to date since birth to just before 4 years old and his both his eyes have always been normal looking. 

*sigh*

They took his weight and height, nevertheless, just in case I opt for surgery, which is likely the case but I am still very worried if I am making the right decision for him.

I dislike making decisions like these, these are the risks that I would not want to have any dealing with. It is not as if its a risk I take upon myself but for another being that I am responsible for. 

What if he does not want surgery? What if this and that pops up onto my mind but like the doctor said, its better to have it done when he is young right now compared to when he gets older. 

Should I? Should I not?

Once we settle down with all these moves, then I will really have to sit down and do more research before I give the green or red light to this surgery.

Jaden is currently weighing in at 23kg, which he has been weighing since the past 1-2 years, height is 124cm. 

I am also rather worried about his weight that has not shown any signs increment. Why is that so? Is his body not absorbing nutrients? Is it because of his leaky gut syndrome? 

See? I have so much on my mind, its really making me to look like some super paranoid mum.

People say, as long as they are healthy and happy, its fine. 

BUT what makes you think its healthy when we do not know for sure if its just the age (growth spurt slowing for a while) or is it really due to his body unable to absorb these nutrients to give him what he really needs to grow, both in weight and brain development?

It goes the same when it comes to Mason.

Am I making the right decision for him when I choose not to vaccinate him?

Is it wrong of me to hold back or delay when I clearly saw the difference between Jaden and Mason? 

Jaden had a really really bad case of ezcema and cradle cap since birth. The prolonged jaundice..

If only I knew back then about food sensitivity, IGg, IGe, what to avoid eating so the jaundice may reduce.. not to bathe him with Guiness (no thanks to the elderly people and their advice)...

What AEFI meant and how to look out for it since day 1 of vaccination. 

If only.. and that until now, has made me felt guilty towards the choices I made for Jaden last time and I want to make it different this time round with Mason. 

Already failed once, I need not fail twice unless its God's will but I will want to make it right for my children as much as I can or what I am capable of. 

If only.. it only they have these facebook mummy support groups that really do help a lot in terms of sharing experiences and advices, been there done that, seen that to see what results work best.

I was still very young at the time Jaden was born and my friends have yet become mummies, therefore I was quite alone when it comes to childcare.

These days, mummies are so well-informed that its good and bad at the same time, depending on the individual mummy that uses their knowledge to either help or shoot another one down. Human nature, the good and the ugly. 

Mason @ 5 months old

Mason had a checkup last Tuesday morning with his pediatrician. 

He was 9 days shy of turning 5 months old at the time of his checkup and he is weighing in at 7.23kg, 66cm in height.

Jaden was 7kg at 5 months old and only 7.41kg when he was 6 months old.

Seems like Mason is the heavier but shorter one? :)

One more month before solids! Can't wait yet I don't really want him to grow up.. In just a blink of an eye and he is already 5 months old! 

I have scheduled his first vaccination this coming 7th month but I am still unsure if my decision is right or wrong. Somehow I prefer not to if I could.. can I?

Stomach Flu

Last week was the worst week of my life thus far in 2014.

Don't read any further if you have food in your mouth or is planning to eat as this post will make your hurl!

First, it was Jaden who was down with diarrhea and he had it real bad. Well, I thought it was read bad until I had mine, which was 100% worse and I am glad it was me instead of him.

Last Friday night was when it all started and I suspect that it was because of the nasi kandar and papadom we had.

Jaden had the papadom and after that he sharted (fart+shit) and by night come, he blasted his whole diaper full until it overflowed out onto the floor. I was very embarrassed as it happened at my friend's house and she cleaned it up for us. I was very very sure she will never pick up my calls again but luckily, she still does. *phew* Thank you so much, you know who you are!

Then later that night around 3am, I rushed out of the room and puked every single grain of nasi kandar out and my whole body started trembling so bad.

The whole body was shaking, as though after I just gave birth. I could not control the shaking at all until I went into the bathroom and bathed myself with the water heater turned as hot as it can be.

By morning come, I was already parking myself in the toilet, doing porcelain runs and it was back-to-back episodes until I felt super dehydrated. I did not even had anything to eat at all that day. 

I was really scared that my breastmilk supply might just drop to zero, but luckily it did not.

I continued breastfeeding Mason as usual, but I made sure I kept myself cleaned up properly with lots of soap and scrubbing.

On Sunday morning, Hubby bought me 100 plus to help rehydrate my body which has lost so much fluid and sharts, too were happening every now and then. It was really tiring, embarassing and energy draining. I still had to attend to Mason's needs and Jaden. Luckily Hubby could handle more of Jaden for me. I definitely will faint if I were to take on the two boys totally on my own.

Porcelain runs went on still until about Wed morning, which I believe was the last run, after pooing foamy frothy looking poos. Farts were very very smelly and I stank up the whole house the night before with it. Smells worse than something dead!

So for the last two days, I have been eating just plain porridge with salted egg. That was it and drinking lots of yoghurt drinks, eating yoghurt and plain water. I dare not take any oily, fried or spicy food and I think I will be avoiding those for some time.

I did not go to the doctor although there were times I was really tempted too but after reading up on the net, there is nothing much the doc can do about the virus in the tummy. It is a virus after all and virus just don't get killed.. its how you maintain the body gut flora to help battle it and speaking of gut flora, its time to buy myself probiotics to take. 

Just today, I pooed semi-solids and I have never been happier to see solids. I am just praying that I am recovered from last week's nasty episode. An episode I don't want to have a re-run!

A strand of Grey in 2014

At 30 going 31, I discovered I have already sported a strand of grey hair.

Oh no!

and also, I am now sporting a really really short haircut, first in my life! Having a boy-cut style.

I needed a change and since my hair was dropping like mad (post-natal delivery) and I am trying to keep myself away from going for rebonding and colouring so to have it short is the way to go.

I have always wanted to find out how I will look with such short hair and hey, I was not disappointed at all.

BUT before getting what I wanted, I had to go through 4 days of bad haircut days.

I went to the salon, asking for the Ginnifer Goodwin cut. The hairstylist of course replied me saying it is too short for me and she recommended another cut.

           

Seeing that she is a professional, I said I trusted her and let her snip away.

Little did I know, when I saw the final product, I could not even lift my head up. I was that embarrassed and I tried to do positive thinking, trying to convince myself that it was the first day cut that I may not be used to or maybe I could style it up...

Well, I did go with a friend and when she saw me, she did not look happy with my cut. I don't blame her. I was not happy either.

Came home, tried to convince myself still but I just could not take it anymore by the second day.

I was extremely upset, so I sat down and wrote an email to the salon telling them how I am upset and I would want a restyle.

It was Saturday evening then. On Sunday, there was still no reply from them, I facebooked messaged them there instead.

They are closed on Mondays.

On Tuesday, my friend has agreed to accompany me to go to the salon and ask them to rectify the issue but before we could make our way there, the hairstylist had called me, saying that she has received my email and if she could restyle it back for me.

Told her I will be there in half hour and there I was, being hair pampered again (hair wash and blow) and then.. the cut!

My friend sat down beside me, making sure I get the cut I wanted.. or at least something similar, seeing that my hair texture is rather thick and wiry.

So.. final product...

TADAAAAAA.....

I am rather pleased with it and well, hopefully I am hardworking enough to style it with wax. =)

What do you think about my new look?

11th April 2014

11th April 2014 is definitely a day for me to remember too.

It is the day my firstborn lost his first milk teeth. It is starting to make way for his adult teeth to emerge. 

My babyboy is all grown up!

11th April 2014 is also the day that I might have officially regret going into the salon to have my hair cut.. and very short too so I have no other way but to wait to let the hair grow out and restyle it and never again, shall I toy with the idea of having super short hair. 

I have actually send an email in to the salon to voice my displeasure at the haircut last night but they have yet to make any contact with me. Why do I feel that they will not even bother? I should have stuck with the hair cut that I initially wanted and if that did take place, I would not have been that upset because it was my choice but this.. it was a recommendation from the hairstylist and somehow, it just did not turned out as planned. :( I am really very upset.

The worse thing is that my hair takes a very very long time to grow and that pisses me off even more.

Why did I do it?

Talk about postpartum depression. Mine came late at month 4 after delivery, and it was all caused by this haircut. Never had I once stepped out of a salon feeling like this since once upon a time, back in 1997 where I still have a passport sized picture to remind me all about the bad haircut days I had to live through my teen years.

Mason, could not turn from his back to tummy if he wants to. He is a very demanding baby, wanting me to carry him most of the time or be beside him. He is rather attached to me. One thing good is that he has finally accepted Hubs and is not crying the second I leave him with his father.

BUT of course, Mason will still look for me after a while, only that he is now able to play longer minutes with the father. Maybe 15-20 minutes now compared to the less than 2 minutes before. 

Mason is starting to be very talkative, and he drools quite a bit.. putting whatever he can into his mouth now. :) Learning to grip and boy, he does grip hard when he wants to.. and especially at my hair too. *sigh*

Lately, Mason has not been really sleeping through the night. Instead, he will toss and turn every two hours, wanting to be fed. Either that is the reason or he just wants to suckle but sometimes I doubt its all that feeding or seeking for comfort is what he wants. Instead, I have noticed that he would toss and turn to find himself the space, kicking me off the bed if its needed to have his comfort sleep. There goes my sleep again.. 

Water ration has started at my area and it is really inconvenient not to have water at all. I get so stressed out each time water runs dry but at least, this time round, we have saved enough water ( I would like to think that I did) for toilet flushing. It just stresses me out bad when we are unable to flush the toilet after using it. Drinking water can still be bought, so that is ok. Cooking is really a challenge to me as I find myself unable to operate efficiently when I think about washing the produce or pots/pans and utensils.. darn!

During days that water are supposed to be back on, its an amazing race trying to do as much laundry as I can and also re-storing some water again.

Damn it, this water and haircut thing really stresses me out. Month of April, you don't seem like a very good month to me. 

March ramblings

8^th March 2014 is a day that I would remember for quite some time. If not, as long as I live.

Mason turns exactly 3 months old and that is also the day MH370 went missing on their route from KL-Beijing.

The whole of Malaysia and other countries are now praying hard for the return of MH370. 

Although today is already the 8^th day as we speak, chances of survival are really low but we are still praying, for at least the aircraft to be found so we all can have some inkling to what happened and also closure for the family members of the affected passengers and crew members on board.

A lot of countries have stepped in to help us in this search and rescue (SAR) mission to allocate the aircraft. From the South China Sea, the search has now extended over to the west coast of Peninsular Malaysia, into Straits of Malacca and the Andaman Sea.

The missing flight had more stories than just vanishing into thin air. Turned out, there were two passengers who managed to board the flight using false passports. Now, not only our country is being watched by others to hear some positive news of the SAR, we are under scrutiny for our country security lapse.

Hubby and I have been tuning in to every press conference that Astro Awani is airing live, hoping each day that we tuned in, we get to hear good news. Alas, that has yet to happen but our hope still stays.

Rain is scarce these days and the whole of KL/Petaling Jaya has started water rationing. *touch wood* To add on to the suffering of living with water ration, the city is shrouded with haze as high as 300 API for Klang district and 186 for Petaling district. 

This haze lasted for about a week and it was at its worst last three days. 

Funny how the MOE still have not declared schools to be closed when API hits 150. They only close schools in Klang because that was at a deadly hazardous level. I made Jaden stayed home for the past two days. I could not bring myself to allow my children to go out and breathe those nasties, although school did mentioned that they will be keeping the children indoors but hey, I rather keep mine at home. 

My eyes watered immediately the moment I stepped out of the house, how much worse would it be for my two young children?

Jaden, I really wished I am able to sit down with him to do work, to be much more patient with him but my temperament gets the better out of me. I am such a monster. With the little brother clinging on to me, wanting to be in my arms always, Jaden knows he has the advantage of misbehaving and I can’t do much to correct that behaviour of his. The only good I get out of it is that it forces him to eat independently, though I still have to spoonfeed him from time to time as I could not bear to deal with the spills on the floor, shirt and table.

Mason is observing all of us and I wonder what goes through his little mind. I want to be able to correct my parenting/teaching skills with him, to right things from wrong that I did with Jaden. Though this time, I hope that Jaden will be able to learn as well from his brother’s learning pace. It is so hard to sit both of them down together to play/read/work together. I can’t even find time to go to toilet to pee. That is how hand-tied I am with the little one, my koala bear.

15^th March

The Prime Minister just announced that the search has turned completely from its course, heading towards the Southern Corridor and the flight ended there, where it is a very remote area and no possible landing marks.

So now, the SAR team are racing against time to search for possible debris sightings and God willing, the blackbox so everyone affected can come to a closure.

Somehow through this MH370 incident, I am able to narrow down who I would like to have some intelligent talk with and not just someone who bangs the government for whatever they do.

I believe that our government is trying their best in coordinating this SAR exercise, and also seeing to the affected family members’ needs. One who just blabs and criticize our Malaysian government most probably have not heard from the affected family’s mouth on how well they are taken care of by MAS and the caregivers and how information is always provided to them first hand basis once it is verified so as not to bring or break their hope.

As for the Chinese, I cannot understand why they are asking questions or throwing blame that are really unprecedented, that no one saw coming. Did anyone see 911 coming? Did anyone criticize US for their SAR efforts and put blame on how the westerners for Osama’s attacks? Why did he do it in the first place? Did anyone in USA trigger him to come to that barbaric move? 

The Chinese are able to condemn us because we, Malaysians condemn our own country. I believe it is the time to stand united and let the government do their job, while we observe. Hey, this SAR exercise will really have quite a big say in us re-electing our government at the next election, provided no dirty tricks are played then.

April 1^st

Mason is turning 4 months old soon.

He is able to roll himself from tummytime to his back, selectively of course if he is feeling like it and also, from his back to tummy time. These actions are still a little assisted from time to time but we are getting there.

I had a run-in with dwindling milk supply last week for about two days. Got my heart palpitating as it reminded me of the same scenario when Jaden, too was three or four months old and I was feeling all sick, took meds and milk supply really went low on me. It always stresses me out because both my boys do not take to bottle so it is head-scratching on how to make sure that they stay well-fed. Luckily, I got to pinpoint my milk boosters and of course, eating like a pig.  Durian is a really good milk booster, followed by red bean buns/red bean dessert, lactating red date tea and pizza and rice. Yes, rice is essential in my daily diet to make sure that the tap doesn’t run dry.

Mason is starting to play too, with much more baby babbles and laughter and the mischievious antics that he seduces us with. He still only have eyes for his brother, then me and then only Hubs but hey, I am not complaining. It really is very helpful when I need to do some housework and Jaden is there to distract him.. for a few seconds at least.

Mason catnaps mostly during the day but his bedtime routine still remains the same. *phew* Usually I would have these little plans of getting to have some me time after putting Mason to bed at night.. and I fail right there. I would fall asleep too as soon as the little boy dozes off. Taking care of two boys with different needs and wants can really suck the energy out of you and all you want to do is lie down, close your eyes till the next daylight.

Jaden is a very sweet boy, still kissing his brother from time to time, holding his hands or pinching his brother’s fishball cheeks. *sigh* I really pray they grow up close knit and loving towards each other. 

Jaden has shown some signs of jealousy but not to the extend of hurting his brother. Instead, he will try to vie for attention, coming to sit on our lap, kissing us, hugging us or trying to play with us. 

Usually Hubs will be the main fellow Jaden turns to, then only me.. I will, too attend to him if I am not feeding, changing Mason’s diapers , bathing Mason or putting Mason to bed. But oh well, its tough trying to balance out the attention right now.. will get easier with time and hoping Jaden won’t shut himself up on me then.

My Boys, My Love

Dressed for his school's Chinese New Year party

 Jaden's Valentine cookies he baked in school