My Boys, My Love

Dressed for his school's Chinese New Year party

 Jaden's Valentine cookies he baked in school

Brothers in February

Mason is already 10 weeks old as we speak.

Jaden is 6 years and 4 months old going 5.

Lots have been happening with both boys.

Jaden just had his annual meeting with his developmental paedatrician. The reports that came back from his school, speech therapist and ABA therapist had been rather consistent although these three do not meet.

Jaden has been showing signs of improvement, as said by the doctor from her observation from last year compared to him today.She commented that school have been great for him and that he should continue and take his time. 

Though there are times he do show his frustration and chin himself but he was much more compliant and do all the work that the doctor asked him to.

She then wrote me a letter of referral to get him to re-start his OT (Occupational Therapy) as his gross motor is still rather weak.

Jaden had been quite a rebel lately.. I have kept away the cane for a very long time and have been trying my best to reason with him. Of course, reasoning only comes about 3-4 times before I lose it and start either snapping at him or threatening him, which I really hate myself for it but he is really as stubborn as a mule.

I am trying to make Jaden sign for things that he wants now, instead of just doing it for him as I already know what he wants just by his pulling and pushing but I really need him to communicate so he will learn that he needs to communicate instead of grabbing, pushing or pulling people to whatever he wants.

Jaden is weighing in at 22.38kg still and his height is about 120cm. His weight has not gone up since a year or two.. and it is making me darn paranoid. Is he not absorbing nutrients again? Leaky gut again?

Mason, well, he is cooing more and more. Very talkative to selective people and his toys and kor kor's books. 

He still very much prefers me carrying him to anyone else. He is at his most cheerful self especially in the morning when he wakes up or after a loooong nap. 

He has taken a liking to the musical bear I got from the GBS sales. He talks to it =)

His eyes always look adoringly at his brother, and it seems that he is trying to establish eye contact with his brother. If the brother happen to look at him and be near him, he would then call out to his brother.

Usually in the morning, Mason, who is strapped to his car seat would look at his brother and observe whatever the brother is doing. Sometimes he gets excited when Jaden is smiling and scared when Jaden is crying or screaming his head off. Mason do get scared of Jaden when Jaden have his tantrums.

He is still very much routine-like :- bedtime is at 1030pm/11pm for Mason and he will sleep off in the middle of direct latching and though sometimes he might have startled himself awake, he will look to see if I am sleeping beside him. If I am, then he would just soothe himself back to sleep. 

His dream-feeding time is still not established. It depends whether he drinks himself full before he sleeps or he is just quenching thirst. If he is just quenching thirst, then its almost every 2-3 hours that he will stir for milk. If its a long direct-latch moment, then its almost every 4 hours.

Just in this span of a week, his longest time for not pooing was two days and after that, he will have a blasting poop time. He could then poop full up to 3 diapers, not straight in a row but in that day itself. 

He is not much more easily distracted when he is drinking milk at the living room. He would sometimes stop to look around before continuing or I have to block his view from everything else and just direct his gaze onto me. 

He still has quite a lot of hair on his head compared to his brother. Cradle cap? Well, he had a very very very very mild one and that, too went away on its own quite fast..

He seems to show some allergy towards dairy products. Pimple-like marks will appear on his face after I take Milo especially.. so far, I have tried egg and it seem ok with him.

Yesterday afternoon, I was snacking on the CNY pea cookies and this morning, he was shitting green poop. *sigh* So now, I know how long does it take for him to digest or how long the milk from a certain meal gets to him.

Well, I am still learning how to cope between the two brothers' needs and praying their needs are one at a time and not two simultaneously.. that, I definitely go crazy. 

But, I am enjoying every single moment with my children.. and loving that Mason is only 2 months old right now.. and getting to appreciate each milestones he achieves.. and of course, I am very proud when Jaden surprises me with his understanding of things.. he is very selective, thats all. If he chooses to look and concentrate at whatever he does, he sure learn them fast or gets them correct most of the time. 

Missing us...

I missed my firstborn.

I missed him a lot.

I missed his happy self.

I missed spending quality time with him.

I missed sitting down with him and doing work with him.

I missed talking nicely to him, being patient with him.

I missed taking him out for his playground and swimming time.

I missed him just going out with me, just the two of us.

I missed going to his school, into his class and watch him show me what he can do.

I missed putting him to bed at night.

I missed the times that I would allow him to take his own sweet time...

Funny eh, even though he is beside me all the time at home right now, yet I miss him a great lot..

*sigh*

2014 Chinese New Year

We celebrated our Chinese New Year in KL this year. 

No Melaka. 

No Penang.

Mason is too young to travel and the very fact that we did not want to expose him to so many people just yet is the main reason why.

Hubs. as usual, as a tradition now, he is the one in charge of preparing and cooking the reunion dinner food for all of us and boy, its awesome good.

After marrying Hubs, it is my first time of not eating steamboat as our reunion dinner. It is really different from how I grew up but hey, food is food and they are good. 

It is really touching to see Hubs slought away in the kitchen, cooking food that both Jaden and us could enjoy. I did contribute.  I made soup! =)

Mason was being a gem, sleeping away in his bouncer as three of us dug into our food. He woke up not long after we were 97% done with dinner and became demanding after that. It was supposed to be my turn to clean up but because I have to see to Mason, Hubs cleaned up too. *sigh* What is there not to be touched about, do you still have to ask?

Hubs then distributed angpows to both his sons and I when the clock striked 12am. Fireworks went off opposite our house and Jaden enjoyed them. 

Mason, fell asleep not long after as it was past his bedtime. 

First day of Chinese New Year was a very quiet one for us.

No house visits, no friends over.

Sad huh? but it was alright. This year I am not disappointed in the way we celebrated Chinese New Year. All for the better health for Mason.

At times, I do feel a little down, knowing that far up North, my big ass family are celebrating with much laughter and eating food at every house they visit. Sharing jokes here and then and gambling away. This is what Chinese New Year is all about, where relatives gather from near and far and just be comfortable and happy with each other's company.

Next year, hopefully we can go Melaka and then back to my hometown too. 

Jaden has been exposed once to my family's side of CNY celebrations. Next, would have to be Mason's turn as well. I am sure he would enjoy them as much as I did growing up.

Today, is the second day of Chinese New Year and I am supposed to have my friend over but because I slept off with a headache, woke up with a migraine, puked, I told her that we need to meet up some other time and just not today. I am still having the throbbing nagging feel behind my head and I think its best I pop another painkiller.. I need to be healthy to deal with the two boys of mine.. It really is energy-zapping when you are completely on your own dealing with two different needs and one that is attached to you most of the time. 

I did received a not so good news from my mom on reunion dinner night too. That my eldest aunt passed away on Wed night, the night before reunion dinner. 

Somehow I felt guilty that I never got to visit her in all my trips I made to Penang. Always full of excuses and now, she is gone.. Life is really precious and makes me think that both Hub's and my parents are already old and if we could, we should spend as much time as we can with them so we won't have any regrets.

Chinese New Year and its family theme do really get me sentimental thinking about how a family should be... 

Mason @ 7 weeks old

Mason turns 7 weeks old today. 

Last Monday, we took him to his paed to have his third shot of oral Vit-K shot. He was weighing in at 5.12kg and grew up to 60cm long. 

Mason has set a morning wake-up schedule for himself and that is waking up at 8am everyday. Its a good and a bad thing for me as Jaden's waking up schedule is also supposed to be at 8am to prepare for school. Unless Hubby wakes up the same time and help me entertain Mason, then I can quickly feed Jaden his breakfast and give him his bath before breastfeeding Mason a little and off, all three of us for school.

I am still trying to wake up earlier, at about 7am to feed Mason but it seems that when he is really sleepy, nothing I do can make him open up his cute little mouth for feed.

Sometimes the little baby will cry half way on the way to school and I can only feed him after I drop Jaden off at school. With my nursing poncho ever ready in my bag, I will be parking my car beside the school and feed Mason before driving home again. The beauty of breastfeeding -food is always ready for the baby in the right temperature, and also on the go.. the downside of it? Well, maybe sometimes you will be flashing people some unwanted sight or have all those pervs trying to see what you are doing. Its worse when you have a struggling baby who fights with the breast, not sure why they do that for but its rather silly when they want the breast yet they fight it.

Mason is quite a morning baby as he would flash me the biggest smile ever always in the morning and seems very much talkative at that hour. Its really cute to be engaged in a conversation with a baby but mind you, entertaining one can really drain your energy down to 0%. ;p

I have learnt to read some cues from Mason such as when he pulls away from the breast, despite suckling on and off. That would mean that he is already full and all he wants is to rest or wants to be carried upright.

I would still put Mason to nap on his tummy as it allows him to nap longer although these two three days, the magic seem to have worn off.

Just yesterday, he refused to sleep since 12pm and finally burst into a screaming crying frenzy for being too overly tired and finally konked out for nap from 6pm to 830pm.

Mason, is a bit more clingy compared to Jaden. He wants to be carried all the time, which Hubby said was all my fault for spoiling him.

I beg to differ as somehow I see babies and their growing years a little different. I want to be able to cherish all these baby moments and savor every second that I get to spend with them as they grow. 

I am trying my best to be more patient and learning how to talk in a nicer way to Jaden. I still fail from time to time at that because it angers me to see Jaden chin himself so hard when he gets frustrated. 

Other than that, Jaden has been such a gem in tolerating his baby brother's unreasonable cries. I am still not use to not attending to Jaden's need in an instant but these are what I have to learn as a mother of two. Must remind myself, I am no longer a mother of 1 but 2 and have to see to both their needs instead of just 1.

Mason can hold his head or rather, he wants to hold his own head up now. So I do tend to carry him upright or let him do more tummy time, whenever we can and he seems to be enjoying it too.

Our next paed appointment just to check up on Mason's growth and development would be in April, when he is 4 months going 5 months old. Wonder what surprises he has in store for us by then? Would he be able to roll over by then or sit when propped up? 

Life as it is

So, after a month of feeling overwhelmed by all things that took place, I have finally accepted that this is going to be part of my life, part of our life as a family.

Both Hubs and I are still learning how not to let Jaden feel left out or jealous whenever we pay attention to Mason. 

Though Jaden is a sweet brother, that we do not doubt, there are times he tends to be moody, and sad and seems to want us to hold him or look at him instead of his brother.

Truth be told, I am feeling very tired and I can fall asleep easily when the clock strikes 10pm. 

Its a challenge trying to get Jaden to school together with Mason, but making sure that their waking up and feeding hours do not clash, which means that I have to get up at least 2 hours earlier than my previous an hour early (before giving birth). 

Mason is starting to have cradle cap and it seems bad. Well, the rotten egg smell has not started yet so it has not reach a stage that we should worry about. Anyway, his paed appointment is next week so I can just ask the paed to take thorough look at Mason. I really wonder what is his weight now. He is heavier now, yet he is not michelin like other babies. I don't think my children will ever be michelin babies despite drinking a lot of milk.

My face is just looking very tired, dark eye circles have turned even darker, face skin feeling all dry and flaky, eyebrows not threaded.. it really makes me feel tired even just by looking at my own face. 

Then, there is the body that I am still feeling very much depressed about. Flab, stretch marks, linea nigra that doesnt seem to be fading away, thunder thighs, breasts that has been affected since the days of Jaden's breastfeeding moments and the lump removal... My whole appearance is in such a sad looking state that I feel like a 80 year old instead of the chirpy 30 year old I should be.

Other than feeling down about my body, I am stressed out over my decision on vaccinations. Since we are not vaccinating him, we are not bringing him out to the public areas just yet other than hospital doc appointments. So how do I know that if he is strong enough with the antibodies I am providing him through my breastmilk? I get so paranoid that I bathe Jaden the moment he comes from school.. 

Though Mason sleeps better, waking up almost every 3-4 hours during the night.. it is still tiring not to get a good night sleep in a stretch. These waking ups and going back to sleep can really make one feel even more tired.

So, this are all my ramblings of my life.. for now as it is.. but I am sure it will turn for the better as Mason grows up and the routine and stuff are all program into my body clock. I just need to adapt to it.. as fast as I can.. 

My very first ...

double C bag in the house!

*girly squeals* 

My very first double C brand bag .. other than the LVs that I still love. Would love to be able to have that Lumineuse PM in Monogram Empreinte but this double C bag is around the same price so, well, might as well get my hands on the double C that I have been always eyeing and Luminere Empriente can wait for that one sweet day again.

Right now, I am being a very very happy girl with ma bling and double C GST.