Staying alive

Life is very fragile. One minute you are here, the other minute, you might no longer cease to exist.

An acquaintance I got to know a few years back, had passed away due to Denggi fever on Monday. It was just over the weekend, or a few days before the weekend, he has been updating his status on facebook rather often, stating his blood platelets are dropping and it just kept dropping and how he felt so cold. 

Both him and his son has caught the Denggi fever and had been admitted to the hospital. Luckily, his son recovered soon enough and got discharged. However, it was a total opposite fate written for him.

This got me in tears. In fact, I am not even that close of an aquaintance, but the virtue by just knowing him, and that his newsfeed kept popping up on my timeline, and it is always funny as he is a very jovial man with a good sense of humor. The news was really unexpected and most of his friends really thought he was trying to pull an April Fool's joke on everybody.. which for once, we would have hope it was all a joke despite being a bad tasting one. 

I hope he rest in peace and that the family will find peace with his passing in time to come. I am very sure, although he might have wished his life did not have to end that way, he would have rather it him than his son. 

Anyway, to cut the story short, please count your blessings everyday. For every day we are above ground, we should make the best of each day God gives to us. You never know what may happen the next minute. Life is that fragile. 

I try, my very best, to be grateful to be alive. I am, despite situations I get myself in does not stand in my favor. 

2015 First post

Hello!

I am back! Yes, after a whole year away from blogging.

I missed blogging so much as it is one of my only tools to help me remember things that goes on in my life.

Like most of you all would have known, we had a new addition to the family and that little boy, had my hands tied up, leaving me little time to myself, therefore with a few minutes spare of me time, I had used it to nap or shoving food down my throat to keep my sanity.

Mason is 15months old and here are some of his milestones. Let me jot them down before I forget again.. 

Started sitting up by himself at about 6-7 months old.

8-9 months, he has been pulling himself up and cruising around.

9-10 months, he started playing with his alligator push walker.

10.5months, he let go and started walking his first steps.. and walked ever since.

11 months old, he is now toddling around everywhere.

He naps about twice a day now, sometimes 3 if he is really tired. 

Once in the morning around 9/10am - 11.30/12pm and then maybe around 3/4pm or 6-7pm.

He still needs to direct latch to sleep at night or for naps. 

Sometimes he still gets up 2 to 3 times in a night for his feed.

Mason can point at things he wants, or things he want to show us.. he will also pull us towards it and then point at it.

Words

Daddy (sometimes it is used for calling me as his mother)

Mama

Mam mam

Jaaaaaayyy

Mmm / Buh (milk)

He can sign for more.

Sometimes he will imitate us word by word such as:-

Pau Pau (Pau) 

More

Dog (sounds like duck though)

Buh Bye

Mason can imitate quite a bit too now. He will make the vroom vroom sound when he is playing with toy vehicles, wave bye bye when asked.. and when he hears "see you later or good night", he will give a flying kiss, he will give kisses on the lips, pat his brother if asked to sayang his brother.

Mason understands quite a lot of things. For example, if he was to sit down in the W position and I ask him to sit nicely, he will correct his own sitting position. He will clean up if I say to clean up or pick up his toys. He will try to be cheeky and run away when I ask him to come here but eventually he will come towards me. Lie down, sit down, hands nice, quiet, pom-pom, take off pants, wear pants, drink water..

Mason is still very much a velcro baby but now, he is starting to accept others to carry him or play with him. He can now stay with his father much longer compared to him when he was just a newborn. He could not last more than 2 minutes then in his father's arms. As long as I am not in sight, his father is the one he will go to. Then there is either Kelly or my mother, whom he will velcro to if I am not there.

Mason loves Kelly so much that he will even not want me to carry him when he is in Kelly's arms, which is something that has never happen before. He will always run to Kelly when Jaden comes down from his room for a break from ABA.

Mason do look for Jaden to play catch or run into their 'clubhouse' to hide, he will pull Jaden to go with him, and if Jaden does not give two hoots, he will scream at his brother and try to catch my eye contact, and have me ask Jaden to follow him into their clubhouse. 

Jaden loves Mason a lot. He is always ever-ready to pull Mason to him and hug him and shower him with kisses. He lets his brother do whatever to him, except for sharing some books that he really likes. Then there will be some scuffles and shrieking and of course, the smaller one will end up crying.

We visited Dr Rajini just last week to check up on the development of both boys and it seems, Mason is developing his milestones like a neurotypical child (*fingers crossed!!!!*) 

His weight though was just 9.26kg which is on the low side. At his age, he is supposed to be weighing in at about 10kg so Dr suggested that i give him a little more fatty food to his diet. 

He is about 76cm tall for now.. still my little shorty but that is ok. 

He has 7 teeth now as we speak. :)

Health wise, he has been down with fever twice last year. Once was when his teeth was cutting out from the top, and that fever went away in a day's time. The second time he had fever was on a Saturday night, and when it was Monday, he was still hovering around 38.4. So I took him to his hospital paed and the paed said it was most probably viral fever and the only thing I can give him to control his fever from spiking was the panadol and to give him another day or so, which means a total of 3 days for the fever to go away on its own as that is what the duration of a viral fever would be like. True enough, the fever started going off by the third day and he was back being a strong little boy. 

I will always be the paranoid mother when it comes to everything concerning Mason's milestones until he can talk like any other neurotypical children. As long as there is no proper speech from Mason, I will always be paranoid. I have yet to vaccinate him, if that is what you all are wondering, that is why I am always trying to avoid crowded places or bringing him out so much. If those outings can be avoided, I would. 

*touch wood* Mason loves his food. He is not picky and he goes aaaahhhh everytime he spots us with food. He wants a taste of everything, which is good. 

Enough of Mason for now, Jaden's turn now.

Jaden now attends school on the other side of town, which is about half hour away from home if we do not get caught up in morning or rain traffic. If not, it will turn into a 45 min / one hour journey one way. He now goes to school for 6 hours, and everyday, he has an activity lined up after school hours as well. It is either ABA therapy for 3 hours after school, swimming or gymnastic classes. Now, before you go all whaaaat? gymnastic for boys? The class is more for him to be more disciplin, learn to take instructions and also building his motor strength which he is still very weak.

Swimming? because he loves swimming and that is one sport I can forsee him excelling in IF he does not keep wanting to drink the pool dry. *sigh* Jaden has got a very nice swimming instructor who is very patient with him and it seems that Jaden and her has now clicked! I used to think that she was not really the right one to guide Jaden, in terms of experience but after giving her a chance to prove herself, she proved me wrong. She seems great with him and now that she has caught Jaden's drift of learning, things are starting to look good at swimming classes.

School and home ABA has been training him more with oral mouth exercises, as they think he has shown some readiness to want to learn how to communicate effectively. It would really be a miracle, a dream come true for both Jaden and me if he can really communicate effectively. It is so frustrating as a human being, not being able to communicate. You can try, by not talking and then try to get the other person to understand your wants and needs, yet you are not able to draw, or write out what you want or even sign appropriately to get your message across. Therefore, this is really a very important thing for Jaden to learn. I am just grateful that he has quite a team of caring therapists to help him out.

School has helped me teach Jaden to go sit on the toiletbowl to poo. Dr Rajini has always said that this is the most difficult hurdle for autistic children, especially pooing. Once they pass this stage successfully, other things will come easy. This is because these children do not understand where their poo is going, how their body is reacting and they are confused and scared if it is a part of their body that they are losing and etc. Therefore, now that Jaden has learn to overcome this fear and finally poos in the toiletbowl, I have to buck up and step over my next fear. The fear of him going out without diapers and using public toilets whenever he needs to tinkle.

Since last year, from Jaden's 7th birthday, I have relax his GFCFEF diet and now, it seems he is eating almost everything except really sugary and msg-laden food but I am still keeping a tight watch on how he behaves and react to the food he eats daily. 

It seems that he suddenly discovered a whole new world, being allowed to eat almost the same thing as we are and he has his favourite, just like any other normal children; ice-cream, burgers, roti canai, noodles, cheesy pizzas, bread and cakes. *sigh* What have we been hiding from him all these while, he must have thought.

He does show reaction from time to time with some food he eats. Sometimes, it could be rashes propping up, most probably from eggs as these rashes appear within the first 48 hours of his food intake 

His favourite healthy food is still green vegetables and fish. He can finish off a whole fillet of salmon and more if he is allowed to. There is once when he finished off a whole fish, except for its head and tail, during a dinner. Luckily it was a family dinner with my parents, who understood Jaden and his behaviour very well. If it was others, they would have thought him to be a selfish greedy little boy.

He can now shake his head for no and nod his head for yes, quite appropriately unless he is being kancheong about something. Then every signing would appear just to want what he wants. Usually, he does not get it because he is just simply signing and we do not want to entertain that sort of nonsense. We will make him calm down, and let him think long and proper before conveying the right message across to us. 

There is quite a lot of things that Jaden can do, taught in school such as cleaning up his own food bowl after lunch, bathing himself, wiping himself dry after shower, washing his own butt after doing number 2, peeling his own fruit to eat, pouring out water to drink from cup yet he hardly does them at home. I need to change. I need to challenge him to self help himself more at home, now that he is growing bigger everyday, I stress out everyday and worry about his future, on how he can self help himself successfully especially when it comes to dealing with good hygiene. I am starting, slow but at least I am starting. Now, it is off diapers at home though at times, it is a crazy sight to see me dart between the two boys when both of them needs to use the toilet. 

I get very angry at myself for exposing him to tv since young and this is one mistake I do not want to make with Mason. Therefore when Jaden is not home, tv is mostly off and Mason plays around with his toys and pretend play with me using kitchen utensils or things he finds around the house. I am slowly trying to cut down Jaden's tv time too as he is really obsessed with TV. He will start whining, and then crying and lying around the house like a heroin addict that does not get his fix. Sometimes I tend to lose my patience and will punish him to stand at the naughty corner, until he calms down and stop crying. It is really really frustrating to hear him whine and whine and whine. *sigh* I kind of stop caning him now that he is a big boy and I do want to change my parenting ways towards both the boys. Mason is really observing what I do now and I do not want him to imitate me caning his brother. Just sometimes, Jaden can really drive me up the wall as he now knows what he wants, what he does not want, what he can do by himself, and well, sometimes just want to challenge me to see if I give in to him. Usually I win the fight. :)

School has given Jaden some homework to do at home during their first term break and so far, it seems to go on fine. I am going to add on more from my side but FIRST, I need to manage my time much more effectively, in terms of taking care of both their basic needs; 3 daily meals, shower, naptime for Mason, then housework such as laundry and dishes, then quality playtime with both of them. It is just so hard, so hard to do all these by myself sometimes but there is just no other way, so I will just have to bite my lip and persevere. I can do it! 

Jaden is still weighing in at 23kg and only 126cm tall. Dr Rajini said he is at the right percentile for his age, so I need not worry. I just have to try to increase Mason's weight for now. 

Guess these are what I can remember about my boys' development.. for now. 

Till I update again, hopefully now on a daily mode instead of just monthly or once a year. *wink*

7 years later...

I was rather heavily pregnant, running around town, planning my son's 6th birthday party, which was to be held at school and also at one of his favourite restaurant... and then, just in a blink of an eye, here we are celebrating his 7th Birthday. 

I can still feel myself waddling around with the baby in me kicking.. and now, baby is already 9 months old going 10 months old and my firstborn turns SEVEN.

This year, it was much more of a simpler affair.

I stop ordering GFCFEF (gluten free / casein free / egg free) cakes for him this year. Instead, I took a chance and just ordered cupcakes for his school birthday celebration and a proper birthday cake in theme with Roary the Racing Car cartoon. 

This year, I am not happy with my planning as it was almost too last minute. I remembered asking Hubby if we want to order custom-made cakes or just any cake from the bakery and he said simple will do. Turned out, I 'misunderstood' him. (WHICH I SWEAR is TOTALLY NOT MY FAULT!) 

Anyway, I found a baker who took my order but since it was a rushed one, and to accomodate my order, there is only that much that she can do for me, which I am totally grateful for, for her cakes were yummy. If you are looking for a baker, then let me recommend you Pinkies Cupcakes.

We celebrated his first party at school on the 26th September (FRIDAY). All I did was collect the cupcakes from the baker, bought about 6 balloons, party hats for the children and off we went to school. 

I was excited for Jaden as it would be his first after such a long time, having a normal cake, just like any other child would have. 

His teacher did quite a good job too, dressing up the area for a party feel. 

Jaden stood in front of the cupcakes, while his friends surrounded him and we all sang him the birthday song.. and soon, the kids were all over choosing which cupcake they wanted, as some cupcakes had the Roary print on them. 

Jaden absolutely loved blowing out the candles. This year is special in a way as he had another family member to join and celebrate his birthday together. Mason.

It was Mason's firsts too.. celebrating a birthday for his big brother who loves him very much.

The grandparents came down from Penang on Saturday afternoon to celebrate his birthday which falls on Sunday, 28th Sept.

This year, 2014, we held Jaden's birthday party at home. 

Food, we catered some Briyani, Prawn Masala, Tandoori Chicken and Fried Tenggiri Fish. Other than these, we ordered a Lok Lok truck to our premise and well, lets just say my guests were just very happy with the Lok Lok truck style.

This year, was quite a small and intimate affair which was rather stress free as Jaden was contained in a controlled environment, which he got to watch his videos, eat.. (grandparents were just feeding him whenever he wants food) and Mason, fast asleep napping away on my back, until it was nearly time for the cake cutting session. 

Decorations were DIY cutouts (inspired from Pinterest) and upside down balloons tied, which would not have been possible without the help of our lovely friend, Josie. 

I ordered Bacon Jam in mini jars to be given away to Jaden's birthday guests as party favors. For the children, each got a cartoon keychain and a bubble bottle. 

Jaden loved his candle blowing session and of course, the cakes he got to eat during the whole of that weekend.

It was indeed a happy weekend for him as he was KING for three days and with the grandparents down here in KL with us, he was pampered max by both of them.

This year is also going to be a little different for me as this year onwards, its planning for two birthday parties in a year. No longer just one birthday party planning. 

Happy Birthday, my love. Please know that despite all the scoldings and naggings, I love you very very much and my wish for you is to be able to grow up healthy, happy and be a good person.

Jaden and Mason... updates

Its been quite a while since I had access to the comp or the net as the laptop decided to heat up and we have yet to get internet connection from TM.

First, updates on Jaden:-

Jaden is progressing rather well in school, picking things up fast and he is showing much more awareness and emotions.v

He adores his little brother and will initiate play from time to time, kisses his brother, wipes his brother's drool away, share toys. In a way, Mason has triggered Jaden to observe and learn. In fact, Jaden is imitating almost every action that Mason does. Wondering will speech in him be awaken too?

Jaden has finally mastered nodding and shaking his head for yes and no although he is not using them appropriately yet. I know he understands but sometimes he just simply shakes or nod as an easy way out without thinking first. 

Every teacher/therapist of his has commented that as long as he takes his time to look and think just for a while, he gets almost every questions or task done correctly. *sigh* but he just can't wait and wants to rush things through and that brings us back to doing the 'wait' program for him once again.

Mason:-

Mason is now almost 7 months old. We started feeding him solids last months when he turned 6 months old. I started off with pureed apples and he did not show any sign of reflux and ate his food like a pro.

I was actually eyeing Beaba Babycook but a friend commented that our kids are not going to be eating pureed food forever, therefore there is no such need to get such a pricey item. It was going for about RM600-RM900. I then came across this blog and the mother bought Little Bean food processor and it seemed to work just as fine and the price is wayyyyy cheaper. So, guess which food processor I ended up with to prepare Mason's solids?

Mason has tried apples, avocado, pear, mango, strawberries, sweet potatoes, pumpkin, beetroot, sweet peas, beets+pear and bananas. 

He loves his mangoes and bananas and beets+pear. He was pretty much ok with all the food I gave so far except for beetroot. Guess the beets have to be paired with something sweet.

His bowel movements are looking great so far. It indicates what he ate the day before with the colours that comes out. 

Mason is very very attached and sticky to me. He still would not let others carry him especially when I am around. He tends to look out for my whereabouts and if I am a second out of his sight, he goes bawling for me. 

There are many controversial studies about putting babies in walker that will delay or interfere with their development but since we already owned one, we did put Mason in and boy, he mastered moving in it real quick! He keeps coming to the kitchen to look for me. Usually he will sit in it and move around near me while I quickly whip dinner up. It is just lately he would act up and cry himself silly, driving all of us crazy at home and instantly quiet down and smile the moment I give in and carry him. 

Sometimes I rather have it easy and just babywear him like a backpack. It kills two birds with a stone. He will nap away nicely while I get to get things done. The downside, we both sweat!

Manduca has been a really good investment. In fact, I think its one of the best investment I made so far when it comes to getting baby stuff. It has helped me in so many ways, from being alone grocery shopping, or handling both my boys outside alone, moving house, packing and unpacking.. preparing my cooking ingredients.. 

Mason has started to be much more verbal.

He has been mouthing " Ma Ma / Ba Ba / Ta Ta Ta / Eh and lots of other baby talk in between. I am just keeping my fingers crossed right now and hope not too high.. just in case.. just in case.

He knows where to look for milk, which is really cute.

He loves his bathtime now. Usually he is ready with smiles for me. 

Mason is now a wriggly worm when it comes to changing or putting on diapers. *sigh*

He started eating his feet last month at 6 months 20 days old.

He has just recently started to get up on all fours and now attempting commando crawl forward to reach for his things. He cries as if people abused him when we take things away from him (things he is not supposed to be holding on to).

**end of blogpost as this was supposed to be a drafted piece and I totally forgot all about what I needed to continue to finish this blogpost..**

Right decisions?

So after 3 years of not seeing Jaden's opthamotologist, we went back again recently to check on his eye again. 

This time, the doctor said that he needs to have surgery on both his eyes and that freaked me out so bad.

Really? Is it a must?

He had this a sudden overnight turned in and I swear that it wasn't something he was born with. 

One can check back on all his photographs to date since birth to just before 4 years old and his both his eyes have always been normal looking. 

*sigh*

They took his weight and height, nevertheless, just in case I opt for surgery, which is likely the case but I am still very worried if I am making the right decision for him.

I dislike making decisions like these, these are the risks that I would not want to have any dealing with. It is not as if its a risk I take upon myself but for another being that I am responsible for. 

What if he does not want surgery? What if this and that pops up onto my mind but like the doctor said, its better to have it done when he is young right now compared to when he gets older. 

Should I? Should I not?

Once we settle down with all these moves, then I will really have to sit down and do more research before I give the green or red light to this surgery.

Jaden is currently weighing in at 23kg, which he has been weighing since the past 1-2 years, height is 124cm. 

I am also rather worried about his weight that has not shown any signs increment. Why is that so? Is his body not absorbing nutrients? Is it because of his leaky gut syndrome? 

See? I have so much on my mind, its really making me to look like some super paranoid mum.

People say, as long as they are healthy and happy, its fine. 

BUT what makes you think its healthy when we do not know for sure if its just the age (growth spurt slowing for a while) or is it really due to his body unable to absorb these nutrients to give him what he really needs to grow, both in weight and brain development?

It goes the same when it comes to Mason.

Am I making the right decision for him when I choose not to vaccinate him?

Is it wrong of me to hold back or delay when I clearly saw the difference between Jaden and Mason? 

Jaden had a really really bad case of ezcema and cradle cap since birth. The prolonged jaundice..

If only I knew back then about food sensitivity, IGg, IGe, what to avoid eating so the jaundice may reduce.. not to bathe him with Guiness (no thanks to the elderly people and their advice)...

What AEFI meant and how to look out for it since day 1 of vaccination. 

If only.. and that until now, has made me felt guilty towards the choices I made for Jaden last time and I want to make it different this time round with Mason. 

Already failed once, I need not fail twice unless its God's will but I will want to make it right for my children as much as I can or what I am capable of. 

If only.. it only they have these facebook mummy support groups that really do help a lot in terms of sharing experiences and advices, been there done that, seen that to see what results work best.

I was still very young at the time Jaden was born and my friends have yet become mummies, therefore I was quite alone when it comes to childcare.

These days, mummies are so well-informed that its good and bad at the same time, depending on the individual mummy that uses their knowledge to either help or shoot another one down. Human nature, the good and the ugly. 

Mason @ 5 months old

Mason had a checkup last Tuesday morning with his pediatrician. 

He was 9 days shy of turning 5 months old at the time of his checkup and he is weighing in at 7.23kg, 66cm in height.

Jaden was 7kg at 5 months old and only 7.41kg when he was 6 months old.

Seems like Mason is the heavier but shorter one? :)

One more month before solids! Can't wait yet I don't really want him to grow up.. In just a blink of an eye and he is already 5 months old! 

I have scheduled his first vaccination this coming 7th month but I am still unsure if my decision is right or wrong. Somehow I prefer not to if I could.. can I?

Stomach Flu

Last week was the worst week of my life thus far in 2014.

Don't read any further if you have food in your mouth or is planning to eat as this post will make your hurl!

First, it was Jaden who was down with diarrhea and he had it real bad. Well, I thought it was read bad until I had mine, which was 100% worse and I am glad it was me instead of him.

Last Friday night was when it all started and I suspect that it was because of the nasi kandar and papadom we had.

Jaden had the papadom and after that he sharted (fart+shit) and by night come, he blasted his whole diaper full until it overflowed out onto the floor. I was very embarrassed as it happened at my friend's house and she cleaned it up for us. I was very very sure she will never pick up my calls again but luckily, she still does. *phew* Thank you so much, you know who you are!

Then later that night around 3am, I rushed out of the room and puked every single grain of nasi kandar out and my whole body started trembling so bad.

The whole body was shaking, as though after I just gave birth. I could not control the shaking at all until I went into the bathroom and bathed myself with the water heater turned as hot as it can be.

By morning come, I was already parking myself in the toilet, doing porcelain runs and it was back-to-back episodes until I felt super dehydrated. I did not even had anything to eat at all that day. 

I was really scared that my breastmilk supply might just drop to zero, but luckily it did not.

I continued breastfeeding Mason as usual, but I made sure I kept myself cleaned up properly with lots of soap and scrubbing.

On Sunday morning, Hubby bought me 100 plus to help rehydrate my body which has lost so much fluid and sharts, too were happening every now and then. It was really tiring, embarassing and energy draining. I still had to attend to Mason's needs and Jaden. Luckily Hubby could handle more of Jaden for me. I definitely will faint if I were to take on the two boys totally on my own.

Porcelain runs went on still until about Wed morning, which I believe was the last run, after pooing foamy frothy looking poos. Farts were very very smelly and I stank up the whole house the night before with it. Smells worse than something dead!

So for the last two days, I have been eating just plain porridge with salted egg. That was it and drinking lots of yoghurt drinks, eating yoghurt and plain water. I dare not take any oily, fried or spicy food and I think I will be avoiding those for some time.

I did not go to the doctor although there were times I was really tempted too but after reading up on the net, there is nothing much the doc can do about the virus in the tummy. It is a virus after all and virus just don't get killed.. its how you maintain the body gut flora to help battle it and speaking of gut flora, its time to buy myself probiotics to take. 

Just today, I pooed semi-solids and I have never been happier to see solids. I am just praying that I am recovered from last week's nasty episode. An episode I don't want to have a re-run!