In fierce mom mode..

Jaden is a growing boy. In fact, he is going to be 8 in a few weeks time.

I feel as if I am running out of time with him, especially when it comes to behavioral and independence skills training with him.

This boy, now, realizes that he has the ability to rebel back and also fight back. He is in fact getting stronger each day and even all his therapists commented that this boy is a very strong muscular boy. Alas, he uses it for the wrong purpose. When it comes to having to use it appropriately, he is very jelly like. Weak fingers, weak wrist, weak holding.. no interest in correcting himself despite various pleas and correction prompts by us. 

I do admit that I am not patient when it comes to teaching him proper behavior as it really gets on my nerves. The way he rebels back without a cause or breaks down in tears even before we are stern with him. So, for me, my style, there is no soft approach to approaching his unacceptable behaviors. 

This is in fact very wrong in terms of teaching and guiding an autistic boy but each child is different and this child of mine, the moment he knows he can manipulate his way or get his way, there is no way he is going to change for you. So it is better to nip him at the bud of his bad behavior before he assumes that he is allowed to do so.

He sits like a seal balancing a ball. He sits with both his feet up in the air and takes whatever that is near him to balance on his feet. Mason picked up that behavior.

He keeps jumping. I understand it is part of his stim but I guess it is not that appropriate when he is in public and doing that. He has no awareness of people around him and his scrawny elbow would just hit anyone that is beside him. Mason has been elbowed a few times on the head by Jaden because of this stimming behavior. 

The way he keeps clapping, it is annoying to me. Maybe for that I can keep an eye close but still, he can't be doing that forever??? Yes.. and as you can guess it.. Mason had also picked up that inappropriate behaviour. 

Mason is now jumping more than he is walking, just because he imitates his brother and I really find this frustrating. 

Jaden has no fear when he is out with me these days. He knows that I will not be able to discipline him in a crowd of people but I do not think I will hold back anymore these days. It is my child that I have to deal with when he grows up. Not those that sees him that fleeting moment to judge what an abusive mom I can be. I am a tough believer of the rod. This boy really needs to learn that he needs to respect my instructions in and out of the room.

I can't fathom if he disobey my instructions when he is out of the house and gets into an accident. Who am I to blame? Who will blame who for the accident? Who will be the one taking the responsibility? The guilt that will live with who for a lifetime? Not you, not him, not her, not the judgemental people.. it is me, me and me. Therefore, I believe I do have every right in how I want to teach my son how to listen to instructions. It keeps him safe and alive, at least..

Mason is growing up quite well, for me, for now.. I am still very much paranoid about his milestones development. I am also very scared each time he shows signs of catching a flu from his brother. 

Most of my friends, are pro-vaccine parents and hey, I am all for that if my child has no autism. Because of autism, I have to crawl and tiptop around, trying to avoid my baby boy from getting sick because of what I have seen had happen to his big brother. 

I never said I will hold back from vaccinating my child. I will give in time when he shows signs that he is really neurotypical.. so I can give him his first vaccine and monitor closely. No one will admit that certain effects are the adverse effects of vaccines.. not even my husband. Therefore, it is only up to me to protect my child from ending up like his big brother. I really really cannot handle the heartbreak and worry. 

When Mason is running up and down, and finding things to play with, I am very happy. I do not understand why some would comment that he is hyperactive and would not sit still. Trust me when I say I prefer my son to be running about, finding things to play instead of being immersed in his own world, sitting still and not making a sound. This came from someone that I do not see for years.. how could that one person judge me and tell it to another relative about how hyper and naughty my child is? Have you seen your own daughter and son?????

Anyway, I am typing out this blogpost with a cane beside me, aiming it at both the boys so they would sit proper, or keep their toys/books back properly from where they took them, instead of throwing them aside after playing/reading with them.. Mommy mean business today! Fierce mom mode on...