Rejection -worse than the rest

When you thought nothing could be as bad as the rejection from your first love or the first breakup with the one true love you swore he was ...

I find this rejection I just got this morning much more worse than anything I have ever felt before.

Jaden was not on his best behavior, refusing to comply with me and go into the kindergarten and he lied down on the floor. So I left him outside at the porch area with his father while I went into the office to have a talk with the headmistress.

So, yea.. all the 'kind' words of rejection start pouring in, that they are not trained well enough to handle special needs children and those that they have with them are much more smaller and still, they have their tantrums and the teachers are finding it hard to cope with that too. The ratio was 1:20 students at one go and that they don't think they will be able to deliver to help guide Jaden so she suggested another school for me.

and the best thing was, while I was in tears having that conversation with the headmistress, I got this message that said, "R we just waiting in the hot sun?"

as you can tell what my reaction was to that.. and THAT WAS THE LEAST OF MY CONCERN !!

I really could not be bothered to reply to such insensitive sarcastic question while I am trying to get a place for my son in a proper school.

I KNOW he is a delayed learner. I KNOW that he has his staying still issues. I KNOW ! I KNOW ! I KNOW !

The father, seeing his son reacted that way and looking at the children inside the class, sitting down and talking and singing, told me straightaway that Jaden is not ready for school and he should just continue with his ABA and do home-schooling.

HOME-SCHOOLING? who? He will do it? Its definitely not going to be me! THAT I can SAY NOW ! I am not discipline enough to home-school him and where is he going to learn his social interaction from?

I am not sending him to school because I want him to learn like those other children, to do their homework.. I am sending him to school because I want him to be exposed to other children, how schooling life is and if possible, he might pick up some learning skills too ...

Of course children do have their first day issues or crying when they are at unfamiliar places but that does not mean you don't send them to school because they don't like it...

I dropped the father off at his office and off I went to the other kindergarten that was suggested to me.

Jaden acted just fine. Got down the car, no tantrums, took off his shoes and went inside the school with me and stayed near to me, stimming now and then while I was having a chat with the school administrator.

She explained to me and did not reject me immediately like the previous one but say that once the father and I decided that we want to try out this school, then give her a call and she will arrange a day for Jaden to come in and she will observe how he is when put in class.

I kind of like the school too.. but I am going to give another one that I am eyeing, where the headmistress herself is actually a special needs teacher (ABA) if I am not mistaken.. I already gave that school a call too so I am just waiting for callback for an appointment.

The rejection earlier is still haunting me and my tears well up each time the moment is played back in my mind. How weak can I possibly get?