Quiet time

At times like these, when I am alone, all awake before everybody else, or while the boys are sleeping, I appreciate my very own quiet time.

My time to sit and think of what I am facing and what other challenges that are coming our way, SimonYap clan way.

For Hubby, it would mean trying to make ends meet, to make enough to foot all the bills that both Jaden and I are racking up in food, therapies and more therapies, biomed supplements, doctor visits and the school bills to come.

I have to say that I was greatly in stress after I got hold of Jaden's latest test results and the stress was rather bad. It was one of the rare times when I think to myself that right now, at that very moment, I needed help. Psychological help. Usually I am the calm one, but this time, the results greatly affected me, although its nothing that demands such drama but still, its my baby we are talking about.

I turned to Jaden's Adrenegize supplement. It is supposed to be calming to your adenal stress level and popped it, I did. Only one and it did its magic on me. Stress didn't just poof away in a snap but I could feel that I could breathe and have my clear mind back again and plan on what to do for my baby next.

Its quite a lonely journey, this journey I am taking. When things don't turn out the way I had hoped it to be, I get very disappointed and blame myself. Where did I go wrong? What have I missed out? What did I not do?

Still, I have to face the little one and tell him that mommy and daddy is going to make him a healthier boy for there are so many fun things out there for him to learn and explore on his own.

Finally, at 4years 8months old, I got him to a speech therapist for his first speech assessment and we are going to start with signing first. I could feel my heart dropped a little, maybe I was expecting a little too much from Jaden at this point of time which I should not but I am really waiting, waiting for that very day he calls me mummy. It hit me that he might not be able to do it but no matter what, I am going to get him to communicate, in whatever ways that he can to communicate effectively with everybody as he grows up. Its much more important than my silly high expectation as to be able to communicate, that would be utmost important to create a comfortable conversational situation between Jaden and people.

I have faith in my little boy who is growing up so fast. He is willing to learn, I know.. I just know it.. might take a little longer than neurotypical children but he is as curious about everything any other normal children are.

Yesterday, he wondered how his tapioca flour, which he has been playing with (sensory play) would smell like, and oh wells, lets say the outcome got me bursting into laughter. He could be such a clown at times. I enjoy these moments with him. Moments that I will always be able to look back and smile. His milestones, his achievements.

He, who nows, when wants to eat, will stand on his stool near the sink, turn on the water tap and wash his hands before trying to reach out to the plates. He has yet to learn how to turn off the water tap thought. *slaps head*

He who, after taking off his shoes and trying his best to put them back onto the shoe rack, goes straight to the sink because he knows he has to wash his hands after touching his shoes.

I like the fact that he is a very forgiving boy that holds no grudges against anybody. Not even to me after I have whacked him for being naughty. Yes, I am very much an Asian mother who believes in the saying, "spare the rod, spoil the child". Therefore, I am at my 5th cane as we speak. Do I sound rather abusive? NAH, don't be scared. I actually misplaced 3 canes so that is why I have got to stock up on more. These canes seem to have legs to runaway from me and hide so well.

Jaden is quite a bad-temper boy. One has to be real fast to catch what he is about to do next or his attack move, if not, you will pay for the consequences of his fury. I don't blame him for acting so because when one is unable to communicate, the frustration is there, that is why I am very keen to start him on speech therapy.

Often I do not let him get his way after throwing tantrum. In fact, I talk to him with my partner, The Cane, in my hands. He will always get two warnings from me before The Cane talks to him. Then its too late to regret rebelling against me. One needs to play a bad cop.

My heart hurts each time I lay that cane down on his small little hands or legs but it sure does help keep the peace and order in the house with discipline. That is why, at the end of the day, I appreciate my own little time.

Be it that I spent it idly watching dramas and idolized these young pretty boys, or read up on more books to help me understand what steps to be taken next in Jaden's journey.

Its about time that both my boys will be up and the house will be alive again which means, time to start my day officially as a mother to my sweet little boy.