Poop in Pool

He pooped in the pool today. Not one pool but in two pools. Enough said. 

8ight years old

Dear Jaden,

Today, you turn 8. Watching you grow and learn is one of the best things that can ever happen in mummy's and daddy's life.

As usual, we always celebrate your birthday with a bang, just that this year, we had to tone it down a little because your paternal grandfather just passed away about a month before your birthday.

This year, we held your birthday on a Saturday, 26th September at home. Daddy planned a Satay birthday party dinner for your guests and he even cooked a few more meals to put on the table for your party. Daddy made mash potatoes, creamy mushroom sauce while rest of the food were tapao-ed such as fried rice, roasted duck and pork and the main star meal of the party, which you absolutely love -Satay!

Mummy, just like the previous years, is in charge of your party decor and this year for your birthday party theme, is in honour of Captain Gerrard from Liverpool Football Club.

We had your cake commissioned to look nearly exactly like the one Stevie G got for his farewell party. It was just awesome that you turn 8 and Stevie G's jersey number was 8. 

Mummy DIY the decor all by herself, with printing help from your kai-yeh for your 'Birthday Instagram wall' which mummy posted up all your past birthdays' celebrations and all the cakes that you had.

Your kong kong and poh poh came down from Penang to celebrate your birthday with you too, two days in a row. First your party day, and when the clock strikes 12, indicating it is 28th September. You love how we sang you your Birthday songs and of course, the cakes. You always look forward to eat your birthday cakes! 

Didi sure did enjoy himself during your weekend birthday celebration. 

I hoped you had like the party mummy and daddy held for you. Next year, should you still like the food from that place, mummy and daddy are going to hold it there for you ok, our dearest baby boy?

Yes, it is true. No matter how old you get, you will always be our baby boy! 

Happy Birthday sweet child of ours and mummy wishes you nothing but happiness, good health and that you will grow up to be a good person. Mummy and Daddy and Didi loves you way beyond the moon and back!!! <3 font="" nbsp="">

My fears

Yesterday, was when I noticed it. 

I froze.

Was it a one time? Will it be recurring? Why is it happening? How did he even get into such a state? Where did he learn it? Who has he been imitating? When did it all really start? Did I missed the start of all these????

As usual, during the weekends, I am busy in the kitchen cooking and cleaning, while the boys do their things, homework, play with toys...

So as I took a break from cooking and walked out to the living room, there was Mason spinning his car wheels. Quickly, I distracted him with another toy and took away the car. 

Then he came hopping into the kitchen and as he heard some music playing, he went spinning around.. just like how Jaden used to spin. OM freaking G! I told him to stop spinning as it will make him dizzy and send him on to do some task for me..

AND THEN.. I caught him tiptoeing around the house instead of walking on both feet on the ground..

My heart sank even faster than any anchor can into the ocean. 

So here, I shall be really even be more paranoid. Actually that is an understatement. I am already paranoid, now a billionth time more.. just because I need to stop him from doing so before he falls into his own world like how Jaden used to be.. 

I am really feeling very very scared.. nothing is taken for granted and will be taken for granted until he passes the age of 5.. That is his benchmark line for me to breathe a little easy.. 

For now, I will be a hawk towards every single movement he makes.. 

In fierce mom mode..

Jaden is a growing boy. In fact, he is going to be 8 in a few weeks time.

I feel as if I am running out of time with him, especially when it comes to behavioral and independence skills training with him.

This boy, now, realizes that he has the ability to rebel back and also fight back. He is in fact getting stronger each day and even all his therapists commented that this boy is a very strong muscular boy. Alas, he uses it for the wrong purpose. When it comes to having to use it appropriately, he is very jelly like. Weak fingers, weak wrist, weak holding.. no interest in correcting himself despite various pleas and correction prompts by us. 

I do admit that I am not patient when it comes to teaching him proper behavior as it really gets on my nerves. The way he rebels back without a cause or breaks down in tears even before we are stern with him. So, for me, my style, there is no soft approach to approaching his unacceptable behaviors. 

This is in fact very wrong in terms of teaching and guiding an autistic boy but each child is different and this child of mine, the moment he knows he can manipulate his way or get his way, there is no way he is going to change for you. So it is better to nip him at the bud of his bad behavior before he assumes that he is allowed to do so.

He sits like a seal balancing a ball. He sits with both his feet up in the air and takes whatever that is near him to balance on his feet. Mason picked up that behavior.

He keeps jumping. I understand it is part of his stim but I guess it is not that appropriate when he is in public and doing that. He has no awareness of people around him and his scrawny elbow would just hit anyone that is beside him. Mason has been elbowed a few times on the head by Jaden because of this stimming behavior. 

The way he keeps clapping, it is annoying to me. Maybe for that I can keep an eye close but still, he can't be doing that forever??? Yes.. and as you can guess it.. Mason had also picked up that inappropriate behaviour. 

Mason is now jumping more than he is walking, just because he imitates his brother and I really find this frustrating. 

Jaden has no fear when he is out with me these days. He knows that I will not be able to discipline him in a crowd of people but I do not think I will hold back anymore these days. It is my child that I have to deal with when he grows up. Not those that sees him that fleeting moment to judge what an abusive mom I can be. I am a tough believer of the rod. This boy really needs to learn that he needs to respect my instructions in and out of the room.

I can't fathom if he disobey my instructions when he is out of the house and gets into an accident. Who am I to blame? Who will blame who for the accident? Who will be the one taking the responsibility? The guilt that will live with who for a lifetime? Not you, not him, not her, not the judgemental people.. it is me, me and me. Therefore, I believe I do have every right in how I want to teach my son how to listen to instructions. It keeps him safe and alive, at least..

Mason is growing up quite well, for me, for now.. I am still very much paranoid about his milestones development. I am also very scared each time he shows signs of catching a flu from his brother. 

Most of my friends, are pro-vaccine parents and hey, I am all for that if my child has no autism. Because of autism, I have to crawl and tiptop around, trying to avoid my baby boy from getting sick because of what I have seen had happen to his big brother. 

I never said I will hold back from vaccinating my child. I will give in time when he shows signs that he is really neurotypical.. so I can give him his first vaccine and monitor closely. No one will admit that certain effects are the adverse effects of vaccines.. not even my husband. Therefore, it is only up to me to protect my child from ending up like his big brother. I really really cannot handle the heartbreak and worry. 

When Mason is running up and down, and finding things to play with, I am very happy. I do not understand why some would comment that he is hyperactive and would not sit still. Trust me when I say I prefer my son to be running about, finding things to play instead of being immersed in his own world, sitting still and not making a sound. This came from someone that I do not see for years.. how could that one person judge me and tell it to another relative about how hyper and naughty my child is? Have you seen your own daughter and son?????

Anyway, I am typing out this blogpost with a cane beside me, aiming it at both the boys so they would sit proper, or keep their toys/books back properly from where they took them, instead of throwing them aside after playing/reading with them.. Mommy mean business today! Fierce mom mode on...

Rest In Peace, Mr Yap BT

‎270815-290815

So, today, my father-in-law was laid to rest at the Hokkien Cemetery in KL. 

He passed away at around 245am, on an early morning, exactly a month before he would have turned 80 years old. Hubby got to meet his father at the hospital at around 1030pm, a few hours before father-in-law's last breath.

It was unfortunate that my two sons never got to know the grandfather that shares the same surname as them.

It was actually Mason's first time meeting that side of the family, at his grandfather Yap's wake last Thursday. I am not even sure if my father-in-law even knew about Mason's existence...

Anyway, since my father-in-law had passed away, I would only like to mention about the fairly good memories of how and when I knew him back then..

He actually bought an extra pao for me as breakfast when I first sleptover with Hubby, who was then my bf, when he saw an extra pair of shoes at his door. 

How I called him 'lou yeh' (old man) during the tea ceremony because my Cantonese pronounciation were really horrendous. Still am. 

Jaden's first ride home was fetched by his grandfather Yap in the Mercedes c-200... Jaden, his first grandson.. 

And that was it.. how I knew him.. 

Hoped my father-in-law found peace before he left.

Rest In Peace, father-in-law.

An appointment with the speech therapist

So, I decided to drop Jaden's speech therapist a message asking for some help as I was really worried about Mason's speech development.

I did not want to play the waiting game. I needed some help in observing the right milestones a 1.5year old boy must meet as I no longer knows what else to do other.

Some parents are commenting online that it is pretty normal for boys to be late talkers, some dont hit it at 3 or 4 years old but in my case, that is not acceptable. No.. not after what I have been through. 

I had never been through this neurotypical milestones' situation before because as you all would have known by now, how different these two boys of mine are.

Today, we met up with the speech therapist and she helped me observe Mason and gave me some tips for me to work with Mason until he reaches two years old.

Thankfully, her observation came back saying he is hitting all the milestones he should be hitting and that he seems to be playing in a bigger boy's manner due to his exposure of a big 8 year old brother.

His imitation skills are spot on, he is quite fast to catch on to things, he initiates play through good eye contact and his attentive acknowledgement to his name is good. 

So, yea.. for now, I can sit back and relax just a little before I start again on trying to do more with Mason, and of course Jaden, hoping he can at least develop together with Mason the milestones he, Jaden, had missed out while growing up. 

The next step for me is to put Mason into a playgroup to mix with peers his age. Wish me luck in finding a good one for him since he is still an unvaccinated child.. I need somewhere that meets my criteria of a safe and healthy environment. *wink*

and of course to start working on two words speech with Mason... I guess I can really only breathe easy when Mason is 5 years old. 

Mason's speech development

Finally, some time to myself. Some time to blog again while Frozen is playing on TV, the small one napping while the big one is having his ABA therapy upstairs.

I contacted Jaden's speech therapist and asked for some tips on how to kickstart Mason to talk. Not that he is not picking up words but if compared to peers, he seems to be slow. 

She has asked me not to compare to the girls but it is hard not to when I am being so desperate for the second born to grow up as neurotypical as he can. 

So, I have compiled some of the words that he can say thus far and hope it will add on as he grows.. and for the love of him, I hope he will soon talk in sentences. 

·         Papa

·         Daddy

·         Mama

·         Kor Kor

·         Poh Poh

·         Hi (used to say ello for a short while before he stops)

·         Bye

·         See you

·         Buh (Milk)

·         Wou Wou (Dog)

·         Na Na Na (Cat for Meow Meow /  sometimes he uses it for Bird)

·         Moooo (Cow)

·         Mam mam mam (eat)

·         Up

·         Car (Vroom vroom)

·         Twain (train)

·         Xia (Down in Mandarin)

·         Shoe

·         Socks

·         Mei Mei

·         Thank you

·         Go (short for mango –his favourite fruit)

·         Nana (Banana / sometimes he will say it in full, sometimes just nana)

·         Wow! (wows appropriately at things he is fascinated with)

·         Uh oh (when things fall down)

What do you think? Mason is doing ok so far? To me, I am still feeling very scared. I see how other boys, maybe a month or two older than him, seems to be more verbal and also 

academically a little more interested although I feel Mason is a visual learner. 

Therefore, I am also now searching around for affordable playschools to enrol him in. To let him mix around with peers, to let him observe how talking will get him things. He needs to be expose to more children his age. 

Speaking about health wise, I think I mentioned that Mason probably had fever about twice or three times since birth. 19 months, three fevers that lasted not more than three days. That I should feel at ease but somehow I am also feeling worried if I am doing the right or wrong thing for him when I decide not to vaccinate him. Friends and family have asked me to but somehow I feel that I might start to lose him if I do.. and that is one risk that I would not want to take. I know if I ever do lose him because I gave in to that pressure, there is no one to blame but myself. OF course there will people I will hate for the rest of my life and probably shut myself off from them but in the end, there will only be me myself to blame for taking that step. For now, until he talks and turns 5 maybe.. maybe.. I will consider one or two shots especially tetanus. 

Parents out there that keeps accusing us parents that do not vaccinate our children are selfish but if one walks my path, you will feel the fear too. Maybe there are others that their children are normal and chooses not to vaccinate, then there could be a debate but in my case, I pray you leave me alone in this matter as it is not one that I wish to talk about. Until you have been in my shoes of dealing and worrying about how my child is going to grow up, when he is an adult, when I am gone and no one is around to see to him, you might see why.. you might just see why I choose to leave the second one unvaccinated. 

Jaden has always been a child with lots of health problems. He has had really terrible ezcema, cradle cap that smells like rotten egg and did not go away until we gave him steroid meds, and steroid meds for his ezcema flare-ups, constant night wakings, leaky gut that will not absorb nutrients and of course, autism.... Maybe if I did not go religiously on time to vaccinate him, maybe, just maybe he could have been slightly better than what he went through as a baby. 

Every parent will love their children.. almost every parent, except for monsters. So please do not judge as each parent will only want to do the best for their children.. do not judge me. I am also trying to do the best I can and struggling with dealing with two boys of mine with different needs all on my own.