Bad habits are hard to break

My sleep cycle is never really stable.

There are times when I will be sleeping till past noon, and still feel that its not enough and there are times like these, where I automatically open my eyes at about 630-ish-730am and then, no matter how hard I try to go back to sleep, I just can't.

and then, at about 12pm, I feel sleepy back again.

* yawn *

Here I go .. already feeling the call of my bed but there is only an hour more to go before the boy has got to wake up and prepare for his classes today.

I never learn my lesson.

I figured that if I drink any coffee or tea, nearing lets say evening time onwards, its gonna be one loooonnnnng night for me before I can even fall asleep. Most probably when the rooster starts his day, that is when I will only be able to fall asleep. If not, I am like on some adrenaline run that I just need to be wide awake.

and Sunday's Macchiato Latte killed me yesterday, it has now turn my cycle to waking up at about 7-ish now.. hopefully not for long.. :p

I need my beauty, mind-recharging sleep.

One of the signs

that I must be getting old.

There was once upon a time where you can just take a few minutes to get ready, and go out the whole day and come back still feeling all energetic.

Today, all I did was to bring along Jaden with me on a short little errand outing in the mall, dress a little nicer, slab some makeup on and out we went at about 330pm.

I was trying to make it in time before the bank closes as I had a few bank transactions to do.

Our first stop, pump petrol for little monster.

Second stop, making our way into The Curve's parking and going two rounds before we found a spot underneath Borders.

Made our way to both the banks at The Curve, waited for our numbers to be called but that was shorten and I resulted into using the Cash Deposit Machine instead and opt for change in return from the others as Jaden was trying to take ALL of the bank's brochures! *phew* It was really a horrifying moment trying to maintain my looks yet grabbing on to my now-about-to-throw-his-head-on-the-floor boy and octopus hands reaching out to anything he could.

For me to be writing this post now, meant that I survived that and calmed him down and placed him in front of me at the CDM and quickly deposited whatever I had to.

Then we made our way opposite to IPC and got his spectacles fixed.

While waiting for the specs to be done, we treated ourselves to some edamame at SushiKing. Yes, just us mother and son eating edamame to our hearts' content.

and from IPC, we walked all the way back to The Curve, the other end...

Then we made our way home at about 520pm, hoping we won't be caught up in the after work jam..

Well, you see, The Curve is actually just 5 minutes drive away from my place but clever me, took the wrong exit out of the parking lot and was driving in the direction of LDP instead.

I had to make a big turn through Mutiara Damansara back to my place.

Reached home at about 540pm, smsed his therapist to let her know we are home and before I could even put down the bag, she rang the doorbell and off Jaden goes into his room for his therapy session.

and at that, the 2 hours out of the house was enough to want to make me just dive into my bed and sleep the night but boy, life does not work that way, does it?

So here I am, waiting for 1030pm to come, so I can bathe the little one one more time and then bring him into the room to wind down and hopefully he shall fall asleep easily today for I am really really tired out.

No thanks to the Macchiato Latte that got me wide awake the whole night last night and I only got a 2 hours sleep today.

Complaints ?

Each time I feel like venting out my #firstworldissues, complaining about how unfair life is to me and all that jazz, I feel that I am being very thoughtless and stupid and just plain bimbo.

There are so many that are leading much more of a harder life, yet they do not complain.

The very thing they consider luxury, I may have taken it for granted that I no longer feel the appreciation.

That is when I stop, think about how its not such an issue I can't handle and that I, have indeed a good comfortable life afterall.

I have a child, a husband who works his ass off to make sure he earns enough to upkeep his son's medical and education, to upkeep my expenditure (although, that I do feel guilty at times when I go overboard with my online shopping sprees) loving parents who continuously showers me with affection and care despite me reaching that BIG THREE O and loving my two boys. What more could I ask for from such loving responsible people in my life?

I sometimes get depressed about not being able to go out there to work, and look in envy at my friends who are climbing up corporate ladders like nobody's business but then when I think about it, I know I am doing so much more staying at home and taking care of Jaden. I don't want to regret that its too late to help him recover while I slought my ass off in the office. Somehow, at times hormones do make you think crazy but when it all settles, I know where my priority lies and that is getting my son to recover, to climb out from the label autism.

I might not be attending events, I might not know whos who in the society anymore but I am learning other things too. I am picking up on medical terms and knowing what supplements helps my son tremendously and watching him do his firsts, the proud smile on his face when you praise him for being such a clever good boy. Well, I may not be rubbing shoulders with Miss Fashionable, or Mr I OWN BILLION DOLLAR BUSINESS or the MD of abc International BUT I, too, have my own social life. I still get to make new friends, only that these are friends that are on the same war path as I am, fighting our way against time and autism for our children. We have our very own supportive teams of parents who are ever ready to share the good and bad of their experience. There is no competitive sphere over here, only encouragement. :)

I am really bad at housework and keeping the house spick and span, and he lets me order part time maid service to assist me. Laundry, he allows me to send most of his clothes to the laundry and have them ironed them. Instead of asking us to take bus rides, he buys us plane tickets when he, himself takes the bus. I can't cook for nuts and he is ok with us tapaoing food home (fyi: Jaden is excluded from tapaoing ok? GFCF diet remember?) How can I not be thankful for a husband like that? So being not able to leave home to join friends occasionally because he feels tired after all his work and wants a break and I get all emotionally depress? How thoughtless ! Although sometimes I feel a little bit cheated about the 'taking a break' part but still ... at least I am not squeezing my brain juices out how to bring in the next moolah for the months and years to come in order to let my family live comfortably?

So I guess, now before I want to complain, I think about how those people who are not living as luxurious as I am yet they are not complaining, and even better, happy with their life puts me to shame.

Therefore I shall learn to be more appreciative, grateful and be more humble in analyzing conditions before I simply blurt out diarrhea from my mouth.

Peace yo !

Ups and Downs of 2012 First Quarter

There has been quite some ups and downs in my life for 2012 and, funnily, we have only enter into month 3 of the calendar. Still a loooong way to go to say that I think I would like to think that only the better would be taking their respective places in the months to come for the year.

So to begin more on a positive note, the ups of my life so far in these three months is that we got to see really progresive results with Jaden.

He has been showing signs of improving and having that hunger to learn more in him these two three months. I am glad I have been pushing myself, although sometimes I tend to feel like resting, I know I can res later in life when he gets out of his 'tunnel'. Right now we are only at about step 2 and there are so many more steps to climb in order to achieve to where we want to be for him.

His screaming, his rejections towards the supplements at times when he is acting up and my persistent forceful ways to make him eat his supplements are really paying off well, so far. I understand that there will be times when he will be quite a non-respondent and that is when I have to decipher what is it that is not working and find new diets maybe, add new supplements or take some out and replace with others, add in a few therapies maybe to make his learning more fun to keep him wanting to learn more... and there are times when I must accept the regression humbly and say, this is just temporary because I am going to do the best I can to help him progress from there. Its ok to fall, because we will get up back on our feet and stagger on till we hit the finishing line together.

We are now adding in more new programs in his therapy. We are now starting to teach him to match things by understanding what the object it. That, we are moving on form matching the same things, more variety, requires more thinking and digging inside his little wonderful brain of his.

and then, there is also the preparation, to ensure that he shall have a smooth transition into playschool-kindy, although he might be placed in a class that are much younger than his peers but that does not matter. As long as that one day comes and I get to see him be in school, learning just like any other children should be, I think I will be a beaming proud happy mother. As long as he is willing to learn.

We have now successfully introduced the potty to him and he understands that it is alright to pee in the potty. Therefore, in just about 3-4 days, he has learnt to hold his pee and only let go when we bring him to the potty. Our next step is to teach him how to pull his pants down in time so he does not wet his pants when he stands next to the potty and needs to go. At least the understanding is there, I am sure we will get there somehow.

He has also shown signs of accepting the idea to poop in the potty and that one day, he actually sat quietly and poop in the potty and clapped his hands and smiled when he finished his business. I have never been a happier mother that day looking at that brown pulp looking back at me from the potty, albeit the smell that followed though.

I like one quote that most mothers would say when doing biomed, and that is, one step forward, two steps backward. We are all doing a tango. If you are going through what I am going through, then you would totally really understand this statement and see some humor to it. Really, when you think you have his yeast issues under control and hes performing so well, and then suddenly the stimming appears! OH NO! WHYYYYY you would scream but then again, yeast? Its nothing that bad compared to Gut Issues or brain nerves or what they call methylation. Yes, I am doing stuff I never dreamt I would get involved in, especially when it comes to all these scientific medical stuff. Thankfully these are still in language form which I can read and read till I understand. If these all comes in numbers, oh boy, I would be really put up the white flag for I am never one that is good with numbers. Never.

Tantrums are aplenty these days. I wonder if its due to me not disciplining him that often like last time and he forgets the taste of my cane or he is just testing me out again. Well, one thing for sure, this is something I will never let him off easily because I really believe in the saying, "Melentur buluh biarlah dari rebungnya"

Thats the update so far.. other than me introducing foods like green curry and kurma into his diet. :)

Happy Birthday my big baby

Only God will know how hard it was for me to try to keep his Surprise Birthday Dinner a real surprise for him this year after what I prepared for him the previous year.


I gathered his friends again, the usual gang that he mostly hung out with and also, people that I know and have dropped by the house before.


I started off with sending everyone the obligatory mail of asking if everybody is free on the 19th, since its a working day and these people are mostly busy with attending events or closing magazines.


Positive replies start pouring in and I started making the necessary arrangements for a dinner place, and cracking my head to think of somewhere he has never try before and wanted it to be something special as well, which goes the same for the birthday cake.


It was then, I remembered reading about this dinner concept that is quite a hit in town now, underground dining. I quickly called the owner/cook up and made my reservations because it seems that his diner is packed almost daily and reservations has to be made weeks/month in advance. I was lucky to get a place.


Then, it was the cake.. I have to admit that I remembered Hubby commenting on how good the red velvet cake was at Beatrice Looi's cafe -Hummingbird Cafe @ Bangsar Telawi.


So I do what I do best, everything done through the net and phone, make a few calls here and there, and everything was set, nicely planned.


Now, how do I get Hubby not to be suspicious because he knows me too well, and was anticipating some secrets to get kantoi-ed.


So, to avoid his suspicions and let it go to rest once and for all, we staged a SURPRISE 12am Birthday call at my place where the guys came and sang to him at our door and had the cake-cutting/candle-blowing thingy. SURPRISE!!! 


Thankfully he bought the whole staged idea and totally let his guard down. So, the next day, he asked where to go for dinner, and I said its up to him to choose and he invited the same list of people to dinner at New Paris. At least he thought he was organizing it and in the afternoon, I took Jaden out on a run with me, claiming I had to pass my stuff to a friend to help me bring back to Penang first as he is leaving the first thing in the morning the next day.


Told him to get Eddy to fetch him to the dinner place while I shall go in my own car. 


and there he was, so happy, looking forward to his deep-fried pork legs, in his t-shirt and shorts and slippers, he was send to where we all gathered.. 

You can imagine the surprise on his face.. well, lets just say I really did it this time.

Food, service was great.. company was awesome and well, whats not to like about a birthday celebration when you get to have two cakes too. In fact, I think Jaden had more fun blowing the candles and hearing everybody sing the Birthday song.


The cake I got him? 

1) Rainbow cake for the 12am candle-blowing session
2) Red Velvet Cheesecake for the birthday dinner


*sigh* 

and then, he was allowed to join the boys for a couple of DOTA gaming sessions while Jaden and I headed home first. Planning and running around with a 4 year old in tow is a tough tiring job, especially when you are stuck amidst the after-working hour/CNY rushing home traffic jam. Its crazy ...


These planning gets tougher each year because I try to come out with something unique but maybe, just maybe I shall take a rest next year and let him plan his own for real this time round. =p

St. Regis experience

It was an experience never to forget. At least for me. It was truly top service that after I have stayed there, it has spoiled all the market for the other hotels, unless I have another opportunity to come across to such luxurious service once again. For now, the best hotel experience goes to St. Regis Singapore for me.

Each floor have their own personal butler and boy, that was awesome. 

We touchdown in Changi Airport at about 6pm,  and the after-working-hour jam, we got to our hotel at about 7pm. 

and that was the beginning of the never-to-forget-once-in-a-lifetime experience. From doorman to bellboy to reception desk to butlers and concierge. *sigh* Thinking back about last three days is enough to put a smile back onto my face.

Hubby was down for a business meeting and I thought since he already had accommodation and they were like one of the best rated hotels, why not bring Jaden down together and have Jaden do a re-test on his IgG and also, to let Dr Erwin reassess him from the last 1.5 years ago when Dr last saw Jaden. I also needed Dr Erwin to show me how to perform the MB12 shot on my little boy's butt.

So, after some discussion with Hubby and a green light ahead to go book the flights, I rushed over to Kelana Jaya Immigration Department to have my passport done on the day we were rushing off to Melaka for another 3days2nights getaway. Main intention of the Melaka trip was of course to have a Chinese New Year meal with my mother-in-law too and to take Jaden to experience Melaka for the little one has never been to Melaka before. It has always been up north to my hometown, so down a little central & south we took the little boy.

OK, back to the Singapore trip ... :)

Security was rather tight as they needed my information too at the reception desk so that if I do require anything, then they do not have to keep calling Hubby for permission. Then they have someone send us up to our room, and the very moment I stepped into the room, it took my breath away. It was elegantly designed and with all the buttons, switches so high-tech, I did not even know where to slot my room card in until the bell boy showed me. *shy* heated mirrors? how cool is that? heated mirrors.. I am so suaku I tell you. I even slipped into the dry bathtub to surf some channels while waiting for Jaden to wake up from his nap, which he fell asleep in the cab on the way to the hotel.

Quickly, I messaged PC that she has to come up to my room the next day to see it all for herself .. when a knock took place at the door and that is when, I discovered that you can ask your butler to do almost anything. Legit of course. but still ... 

We have two butlers. One in the morning and one in the evening, Alva and Shermann. They are both good in their own way but somehow I think Shermann is much more efficient than Alva because he never lets me wait and he is much more mindful of what to clear from the room the instant he sets into the room. For Alva, she is a great smiling girl but she has to be told every single thing to get it done, like taking empty trays out from the room and such but I have to give credit to her for helping me run a warm bubble bath for Jaden in the afternoon. She does meet my needs only a little bit slower than Shermann. 

Lets just say Shermann has got everything done right spot on, and even went all the way out during the evening when I was out having dinner with PC to make the bed again, after Jaden messed it up and lets just say, he prepared the room the way it should be, curtains drawn, bathrobe and bath mat placed where it should, water at the side of the bed, remote on the bed for easy access and chocolates for both Hubby and me. The sweetest gesture of all was a personal note to us, hoping that we have a pleasant experience with them and that we should not hesitate to  call for them if we need them at any hour. How sweet can all that get? My room gets done about twice a day.. =) =)

and not to mention, even the doorman knows Hubby and addresses him as Mr Yap each time they see him walk in and out of the door. Nice but sometimes you wonder, where did they hide the hidden camera? LOL Just kidding. 

We really have a great St. Regis experience, at least for me, who made the most out of it. 

I was quite sad to leave but well, holidays do have to come to an end so we can all come back to reality and here I am, in my reality world now, waiting for my chicken to be stewed nicely for Jaden and back to the grind, hoping that this year, after three great holidays with Jaden and Hubby, everything will turn out positive for our family. 

For me, I am personally wishing that Jaden will have more progression towards recovery and that Hubby's work will always be abundantly good and best of health for all my loved ones. 

It has been a great Chinese New Year for me this year. Thank you Hubby for making it all possible. 

Last 2011 Singapore trip

xoxo